Name: BODACIOUS
email_address: CLUBTUBII4LYFE@YAHOO.COM
Location: FLORIDA,TAMPA
I FOUND THIS WEB SITE LOOKING FOR A POEM,I WAS AWAKENED BY A PHONE CALL THIS MOURNING AT ABOUT 1:00AM,TO SOMEONE TELLING ME THAT A DEAR,DEAR FRIEND OF MINE HAD PASTED AWAY TODAY.MY HEART IS SO HEAVY,MIND MIND IS RACING,HOW COULD THIS BE? THE LORD HAS COME AND TOOK MY FRIEND FROM ME.THE LORD KNOWS WHAT'S BEST,HE'S SO FAITHFUL,AND TRUE.BUT NOW I ASK HIM,TO SEE ME THROUGH...HE'S LEFT BEHIND A DAUGHTER,THAT'S SO WONDERFUL,IN BLOOM,LORD SHIELD HER HEART,AND SOUL,SO THAT SHE CAN MAKE IT TOO!GOD GIVE HIS MOTHER COMFORT,TO EASE UP SOME OF THE PAIN,ITS HER BABY BOY,THAT YOU'VE TAKEN AWAY.I NO FOR A FACT,YOU PUT NO MORE ON US THAN WE CAN BARE.I PUT MY TRUST IN YOU FIRST BECAUSE YOU HAVE THE LAST WORD.
Name: Kate
email_address: irishinistanbul@hotmail.com
Location: Salt Lake City Utah
My oldest daughter and best friend was found dead June 5 2008 in her car. I wasnt near here when she died. I hope she knew how much her mommy loved her and how proud I was of her. She had become such a wonderful successful woman. Baby I dont know the results of the autopsy yet but no matter what its between me and you Mommy will always keep your secret. I sit alone in this hotel now not even wanting to see the sun. Oh how I wish I could just smell you one more time or hold your hand when you sleep. So many times we sat alone in the hospital with the stupid diabetes. Having sleep overs for days until we knew all the nurses names by heart. I really feel guilty because I wish you would have went to sleep last year when you were on life supports that would have made sense to me at least I would have known there was a reason. I know you were sad baby but things were going to get better Mommy was on a plane coming to you why couldnt you just wait one more day...I love you my precious Nana
Name: Martin
email_address: docmartinr@yahoo.com
Location: Quincy, MA
My father died June 6, 2008. He was 80 and died of cancer. We were very close and I miss him. I helped him for years as he helped me. My mother died August 10,1975. He remarried quickly and married a bitch, who treated me cruely. Today I went to a 4th of July cookout at my uncle's (my father's bro). It was healing as it had been years since I saw the family (w/the exception of services for my Dad). My only sibling is a crackhead. I am messed up. I am lost. I have been drinking alot. I have three year old twin boys and they are keeping me going. Pray for me. Thank you a survivor
Name: Anonymous
email_address: susieque1114@yahoo.com
Location: Pennsylvania
I just need to talk. Yesterday 6/29/08 I lost my father. It doesn't seem fair and I can't make sense out of anything right now. My father went in for a bowel obstrution and ended up having to be life flighted to a nearby ospital where he lived on a ventilator and medication for 2 weeks until my mother and I had o make the decision to stop the mediction. I could not let myself stop the ventilation though and within the hour his heart stopped beating. The only comfort I have right now is the peaceful look on his face afterwards. The strange thing is that 1 week before his passing he was alert that only lasted for 1 day. That day was the best ay of my life and the worst. I was able to tell him tat I loved him and I was oping he would come home. That was the last time he was able to respond to me. I remember coming ome that day feeling so excited thhat he was responding. Onl to have my dreams shattered week later. He left behind a wife of 47 years, 3 daughters, and 1 beautiful grand daughter who was by his side the day he was alert she was able to feel him squeeze her hand. I just don't understand ow God could take away such a great man. My heart is broken and I don't think it will ever heal. When he died he took a piece of me with him. I try to be strong for my mother but I just break down. Everyone says things happen for a reason but I can't see any reasoning for this.I ope he is in a better place and is no longer in any pain, I hope he will watch over me and my daughter while we try and cope with his loss. I just want to talk with him. Every time I go up to is house I would always talk with him if only for a few minutes each day. I will miss those times. I was thankful tough that he did get to see me graduate from college and he was on my unit the day he was flown to the hospital I just wish I was the nurse to take care of him that day maybe I could have donw something for him. Sorry for going on but there are so many feelings I just don't know where to begin.
Name: LB
email_address:
Location: NJ
My heart is broken and I've given my being to God as I grieve the loss of my beloved father in law. My brain, however, still looks for him in the kitchen, reading the paper, in his chair. The cancer that took him no longer hurts. He is with God and his dear Saint Joseph, his mother and brother, and numerous friends before him. He leaves behind 6 children and their spouses, 11 grandchildren, a great grandson and his dear wife of 54 years. So "Why does God do this"? He doesn't. It happens. But it has happened to a man who dealt with the experience with grace and dignity. He's taught his family so much over so many years, and this was his greatest lesson. He died with great faith, surrounded by family. I miss him and it hurts. I'm reading at his mass... with the help of the Holy Spirit. Prayerful strangers, please pray with me for Ray, and all those who have died in God's light. They WILL rest in peace at our Father's feet. And we WILL see them again. Thank you for listening ... but I really thought I'd feel better. He passed yesterday at 1:45 am. 30 miles away, his granddaughter woke up for no reason. He touched her before he left. He left at a time when the neighbors would not have to see him leave the house. He was always considerate like that. I'm rambling. I'm sorry. My prayers go out to the others on this site who grieve. Please pray. God is with you. He is what keeps you & I going
Name: Rosa
email_address: rcole22@live.co.uk
Location: England
I came upon this site today. It is a bad day for me to-day. I have good days,bad days and really awful days. My beloved husband Les died on 21st March this year following a short illness. He had been diagnosed with a brain tumour in late November 2007.This came out of the blue as he had Parkinsons Disease diagnosed 8 years ago and had been dealing well with it.When we realised he was having difficulties the doctors just kept telling us that his parkinsons was progressing. It was only after we insisted on a brain scan that things started to move. He was strong man who had always worked hard,nothing ever defeated him.He was loved by so many people. Les made people happy and wherever he went laughter followed.We met 15 years ago and our 10th wedding anniversary is coming up on June 27th.We have 3 children between us and 4 adored grandchildren. His loss has devstated us beyond belief, I feel as if I do not have a useful part to play anymore.The pain is almost more than I can bear, I have not slept in our bed for months as I stayed in hospital with Him for the last week of his life. I do not sleep well and but when I do sleep it is on the settee. My eldest sister died in February this year from ovarian cancer.We were reeling from her death when my Les died. Life seems so hard right now and I feel that there are times when it is all pointless. Back in 1980 my first husband died from cancer of the gullet. I cannot remember how I coped then but I did. Maybe having young family helped, now I am living alone and cannot see a point to me anymore. I love Les so much and cannot see why he was taken when he was much needed and loved by so many.Last year I had heart surgery and experienced problems afterwards Les took so much care of me. I sometimes wish that I did not survive the op as this terrible ache is so hard to bear.Please forgive my ramblings, it has been so good to say some of these things without upsetting family and friends.
Name: Rosa
email_address: rcole22@live.co.uk
Location: England
I came upon this site today. It is a bad day for me to-day. I have good days,bad days and really awful days. My beloved husband Les died on 21st March this year following a short illness. He had been diagnosed with a brain tumour in late November 2007.This came out of the blue as he had Parkinsons Disease diagnosed 8 years ago and had been dealing well with it.When we realised he was having difficulties the doctors just kept telling us that his parkinsons was progressing. It was only after we insisted on a brain scan that things started to move. He was strong man who had always worked hard,nothing ever defeated him.He was loved by so many people. Les made people happy and wherever he went laughter followed.We met 15 years ago and our 10th wedding anniversary is coming up on June 27th.We have 3 children between us and 4 adored grandchildren. His loss has devstated us beyond belief, I feel as if I do not have a useful part to play anymore.The pain is almost more than I can bear, I have not slept in our bed for months as I stayed in hospital with Him for the last week of his life. I do not sleep well and but when I do sleep it is on the settee. My eldest sister died in February this year from ovarian cancer.We were reeling from her death when my Les died. Life seems so hard right now and I feel that there are times when it is all pointless. Back in 1980 my first husband died from cancer of the gullet. I cannot remember how I coped then but I did. Maybe having young family helped, now I am living alone and cannot see a point to me anymore. I love Les so much and cannot see why he was taken when he was much needed and loved by so many.Last year I had heart surgery and experienced problems afterwards Les took so much care of me. I sometimes wish that I did not survive the op as this terrible ache is so hard to bear.Please forgive my ramblings, it has been so good to say some of these things without upsetting family and friends.
Name: Anonymous
email_address:
Location: New York
My darling husband had a massive stroke aug 2007. The doctors said he would not make it. But he did. But he will never come home. He is bedridden and cant speak. He understands alot and knows everyone and remembers alot. But half of his brain is gone. I visit him everyday. I miss him so much that I cant see straight. I cry everyday. I havnt heard from his family in months. My family is no better. I have never felt so alone. I didnt think it was possible to feel this way and still walk. I feel numb and make believe. I dont know what God has for my husband but I really dont want to live but I need to to take care of him and go see him everyday. im so confused
Name: Anonymous
email_address: hablemonos@gmail.com
Location: Country or state
I lost an ex-boyfriend who turned into a friend. He died from liver failure from having drunk too much. He was 42. I don't like it when people are judgmental about the way he died. Even the people at the hospital were judgmental. He died waiting for a bed where he could receive part of a liver from one of his relatives. The last time I saw him he had been intubated, and so couldn't talk. But he knew what was going on around him. He seemed very surprised to see me. I didn't know what to say to him. I chattered a lot and said stupid things. I tried to make light conversation because I thought maybe he would recover. And he did start recovering (after the doctors said that there was zero chance). Then he had seizures and it was awful. Sometimes I do have short thoughts of wanting to follow him (I have no intention of following through on this thought). I thought that we would know each other for the rest of our lives. The last couple of years his personality took a turn for the worse, and I was mad at him and didn't talk to him. A lot of people say he wanted to die anyway, so let him. I wanted him alive.
Name: TAMMY K
email_address: tammykbryson@yahoo.com
Location: florida
I LOST MY 20 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER AND MY 13 MONTH OLD GRANDDAUGHTER TO A CAR ACCIDENT ON THANKSGIVING DAY(11-22-07).THEY WERE KILLED ALMOST INSTANTLY.MY DAUGHTER WOULD HAVE BEEN 21 YEARS OLD APRIL 16th,I GOT A CALL ON APRIL 18th THAT MY MOM WAS DIEING.ON APRIL 19th I LOST MY MOM(56 YEARS OLD) ALSO.I AM TRUELY LOST.I HAVE A 17 YEAR OLD THAT WAS MY 20 YEAR OLDS MIDDLE SISTER AND A 20 MONTH OLD THAT WAS HER BABY SISTER.NOW WHO WILL BE THERE FOR THEM WHEN I'M GONE?I DON'T KNOW WHAT GODS PURPOSE IS BUT THE PAIN I FEEL NOW IS TRIPLE ANY I HAVE EVER FELT.I DON'T KNOW HOW TO BEHAVE WHEN PEOPLE BRAG ABOUT THERE GRAND BABIES.WHAT WILL MY 20 MONTH OLD SAY ABOUT HER OLDEST SISTER OR HER ONLY NIECE?I KNOW LIFE IS TOO SHORT BUT I WILL MISS THEM FOR 1000 YEARS.
Name: Nelson Jackson
email_address: lonesomebadboy24@yahoo.com
Location: Country or state
Dear momma, I feel the need to write here, to let you and the world know, I feel so badbly. I miss you so much momma! Her Name was Mae Simon and she is From DeRidder, La. She was married for 53 years to Mr. Joe Simon. She raised 3 children, 4 grand children, 2 of her husbands brothers as well. She was very dedicated to chruch and relied very heavily on god. She was a sister and mother, grandmother, great grandmother, even great great grandmother. She was my grandmother, mother and friend. She helped me get through collgue, Even though I had to sit out 1 year because I wanted to take care of her. I work as a CNA and EMT, at the tme I was working at a nursing home and I took care of her for 8 months. Everyone told me not too cause, I would regret it. But as she took care of me when I was unable to, I took care of her. SHe depended on me to be there and smiled or me everyday. When I would cry she would extend her hand to me so I can hold it. After her stroke that wss even a chore,even though she could not smile, cause the stroke damage her facial muscle. She would smile for me. When she could no longer talk, she would fight very hard to talk to me, maybe just one or 2 words, but she talked. Towards the end we communicated through one bink for yes, and 2 for no. We held long conversation liked that. The week before she died, I had an errie feeling, I told the nurse, something was wrong. I said I have a clinical judgement that tells me something is wrong. I called hospice and asked them to check her for me. The next day the ycalled a meeting to tell us she is dying. From that day I prepard my family for her death. I told my mother, all the signs we would see, and that as the end draws near. I will stay with her and don't worry. I will care for her privately and will see to it she is not in pain. My family was ok with that and that friday she started to show signs of death. I stayed everyday from 4 am until 11 at night and only went home cause my chest hurted. I have a weak heart as well. That sunday, this pass mother day, was her last day on this earth. I stayed with her, and told my family certain signs are present that are not nice, like the mottoling, and the rattle, and she was getting cold cause she lost her abilty to regulate temperture. I took care of all that. ever issue came up, I had an interventaion. The rattle, I gave her breathing treatments, the fever I gave her tylonol, the cold, I put blankets on her, Mottling, I turned up the oxygen, although I could not stop it. I went home that night and moma smiled, I asked her why is she smiliong. Although she never said. I thank my grandfather and god was there for her. I went home cause once again I had chest pain. She had apnic breathing but I remained stabloe at 12 breath per minuit and she was fine with vitals and so2. So I though mybe tomorrow not today. SHe made it through the night, I went to sleep and was gonna get up at 4 and go in. I over slept till 8. I woke up and ran and got ready home did I fall asleep that long. I got a phone call at 810 from hospice. I told them I over slept and will be ther in 5 minuits, she told me to sit and said she never tells anyone over the phone, i said what do you mean. SHe said Mrs Smion passed away at 8 am. The same time I woke up and looked at the clock. I screamed and ran to the nursing home. Moma went on withJesus. The aid said she could not believe it cause she said she looked in on her at 755 and she said your grandmother was fine. Then the nurse went in to give her her medicence and she was gone. They said she had an easy passing. since may 12, 2008 I feel lost, I feel like I don't know how to go on. I feel like I died, I need her so much and miss her so much. She was my 2nd momma nad bestfriend. Why did god need her now. Although she could not move much, I needed her just to feel ok. I can not finish this , I am too sad...
Name: Anonymous
email_address:
Location: california
hi my name is bill i like long walk in the park and picking roses by the road side. my hobbies are skimming rocks and watching people at the coffee shop.i once owned a relly fast bicycle it was fire engine red and had lots of stringly sparkly things hanging from the handle bars. i miss my bike
Name: Anonymous
email_address: gshughes@pacbell.net
Location: california
Hi, I am a widow of six months. My loving husband, passed away on November 27, 2007, a month after getting a liver transplant. The autopsy said that the cause of death was due to a virus complicated by pneumonia. He went through so much for his live to end so suddenly. I didn't even have the real opportunity to say goodbye. The doctor's tried to revive him after his heart rate dropped and he had stopped breathing. He went to sleep the night before after I fell asleep and never awoke the next morning and the hospital insisted on running any test possible to see what was wrong. He was still breathing when I woke up and for hours and there were signs of life but he never awoke. I miss him so much and love him dearly. He was so good to me. I have not returned to work yet as I was with him during the whole 6 weeks he was in the hospital and cared for him for the 6 months prior to his passing, every day at home.
Name: Anonymous
email_address: katiemac1986@yahoo.com
Location: MA
I lost my dad just six days ago (6/1/08). I had no idea that when he walked out of the house the day prior, that we'd never see him again. He died suddenly of a massive heart attack...medical examiner says it's likely that he just fell asleep and never woke up. They found severe clogging in his arteries, that we'd never knew he had because it had caused no problems before. It's not real yet, even though we had his services yesterday & the day before. I kept staring at him in the casket...he looks so peaceful, just like he's sleeping, but I was screaming and crying for someone to make him wake up. I will thank God every day that he watched me graduate from nursing school just two weeks ago. It really turns your world upside down when a perfectly healthy fifty one year old just doesn't wake up. Though I'm not engaged/married yet, I'm heartbroken that I won't have my dad to walk me down the aisle...but I plan to name his first grandson after him someday.
Name: Ralph
email_address: glevum1@yahoo.co.uk
Location: London, UK
On 7th September,2005, I lost the love of my life.Mary died of cancer in St Thomas' Hospital, London.I will always remember you, Sweetheart. As I told you so many times, I will love you forever and a day. Thank you for accepting me despite the problems I was having with the police when we met in 1985.I went to jail for a year and you were still there when I came out and you took me into your home and straightened me out. You gave me 20 years of bliss.Sometimes I was a silly bollocks but you were always quick to forgive.You were the best girlfriend and friend that a man could hope for. I miss you every day.I used to come home and tell you all about my day, good or bad and you always listened and advised me how best to deal with things.You were never one to judge. Love you always, Ralph
Name: Connie
email_address: cgraham103@aol.com
Location: Michigan
I lost my husband on June 14, 2007. He was 60 and we had been married almost 29 years. He was diagnsed with cancer in late March and started chemotherapy in early April. After 2 courses of the chemo he was not feeling right so we took him to the emergency room and he was admitted to the hospital. At first they thought he had pneumonia but he did not respond to antibiotics. They then thought his lungs had been damaged by the chemotherapy drugs. Due to some other health problems he had they were not able to do a biopsy to confirm this. He went steadily downhill and spent the last week on life support. It was awful to see him that way and not be able to talk to him. After a week they told me there was no hope and asked me what I wanted them to do when his organs started to fail. I remembered something that he had said to me one time and I knew he was telling me I had to let him go so I asked them to remove the life support and I held his hand as he died. I have been getting by. I go to work and I function. But it is not like anything i have ever been through before. It is not just a matter of being sad or lonely although I certainly have those feelings. It is also the feeling of having been through a horrible physical assault as if someone had opened my chest and torn out my heart. I think of my Roy and miss him every day.
Name: kenda
email_address: ann1972kenda@yahoo.com
Location: usa
My 17 yr old daughter passed away due to her epilepsy on October 6, 2007. There are many circumstances about her death that I still have alot of bitterness about, she had been seizure free for almost a year and this was her senior year at school, several students tore her down as she talked about collages she wanted to attend, they told her she would never go to collage, drive ,get married or have children, this upset her whole world. She had two grand Mal seizures during the early morning hrs and died after the second one ,that caused a brain aneurysm. God I miss her, her 18th birthday was Saturday , its been almost 8 months but I'm still a wreck.
Name: ann farrer
email_address: annfarrer@live.com
Location: alabama
Our son died 3 weeks ago.He was 30 years old and leaves a 7 month old daughter.
Name: vicky
email_address: anglovs69@yahoo.com
Location: newyork
I lost my son on Easter. And I havent been able to deal with it because my 3yr old is havin problems with it so ive been dealing wth him n now in the last 3 weeks ive lost 2 uncles. I went to 1 of there wakes, n realized I never dealt wth my dads n sisters dealth n im afraid if I stop to reflect on any tht Im going 2 break I so afraid I have 2 young sons wht do I do. CAN ANYONE HELP ME PLZ SINCERLY LOST N AFRAID
Name: linda
email_address: lyn4olly@yahoo.com
Location: uk
Name: Mary
email_address: mccartm@utvinternet.com
Location: N. Ireland
I lost my husband almost 10 months ago to cancer. He was diagnosed on 4th May 2007, 4 days before our 25th wedding anniversary and died 25th July 2007. He was 54yrs old and I don't know how I go on without him. Our daughter was only 18yrs old and at the start of her 'A' levels when he took ill. He was so very ill with no let up from diagnosis to death and I had no choice but to let him go. We tried our best, sought 2nd, 3rd and 4th opinions and we hoped he would have surgery but it wasn't to be. I thought I knew what grief was about, I lost my father at 19yrs old, my mother at 27yrs old and I had 4 miscarriages before having my daughter. But none of these prepared me for the devastation I feel because although these were all life changing events the lose of the love of my life has been life shattering and I feel so lost and alone. Please anyone who reads this will they think of me. I need all the help I can get to carry on.
Name: pauline mcnicol
email_address: baecker2@hotmail.co.uk
Location: scotland
I LOST MY DAD JACK MCNICOL 75 VERY SUDDENLY ON MARCH 27TH 2008 TO A MASSIVE BRAIN HAEMORRHAGE. HE HAD NOT BEEN ILL SO THE SHOCK AND SUDDENNESS OF HIS DEATH HAS DEVASTATED ME TO THE CORE. I PRAY TO GOD EVERY DAY TO TAKE ME TOO AS MY DAD WAS MY BEST FRIEND AND I CANNOT GO ON WITHOUT HIM. WE DID NOT HAVE THE CHANCE TO SAY OUR GOODBYES AND I HATE GOD AT THE MOMENT FOR BEING SO CRUEL. WE WERE DUE TO GO ON HOLIDAY ON THE 6TH OF JUNE TO DONEGAL IN IRELAND WHERE HIS MOTHER CAME FROM SARAH SWEENEY. I HAVE HAD A FEW YEARS OF BAD LUCK AND THIS WAS THE END FOR ME - I LOVED MY DAD MORE THEN LIFE ITSELF AND I CANNOT SEE MYSELF GETTING OUT OF THIS BLACK HOLE. PLEASE EMAIL BACK. THANKS.
Name: Gambira
email_address: bettybockle@yahoo.com
Location: Kenya
Hello friends, Life has not been the same after loosing my loved mother after a 7 years suffering and always I think of her and how much she gave me, cared and talked to me. And managed to get a caring step mother who loved me and cared for me since I was 20 years until last year when she passed a way after taking care of me for more 20 years as an 41 now and always I find life chalenging as to why they took the one who loved me dearly. Always am left with many thought that make me cry when I think of this lovely caring parent and I put my faith to God and pray and I ask God to give me understanding to take life after their care. As we say God loves us all but he Loved the departed ones more than we. May God Bless you. I love you all Gambira
Name: Diane
email_address: wingerelk@verizon.net
Location: New Jersey
On February 8, 2008, I lost the love of my life. My husband was a fighter and he fought to the end. He died of lung cancer. The pain and suffering that he endured was unbearable not only for him but also for those who loved him. He is at peace now but the emptiness that I feel is more than I can handle. In time I hope that I will be able to move on, but right now I do not see that happening. He was a good man and a kind man. He gave his all to everyone he knew. The hardest part about this great loss is trying to explain to our son why his dad is not here anymore. Our son is a handicapped young adult with Downs Syndrome. The bond that my husband and son shared was the the most caring and loving relationship that I have ever seen. They were so very close and did everything together. Many times I go into my son's room to check on him and he will be sitting there with tears streaming down his face. This is all too much for me to handle. I thought I was strong but I find myself falling apart. My life will never be the same again. I need somebody to talk to and unload all my feelings of hurt, pain, anger, and guilt. Please email me. Diane
Name: Alana
email_address: alanatalob@hotmail.com
Location: CA
My mom passed away on April 26, 2008. She had heart disease for over 15 years. On October of 2006, she was given the gift of life, again. She received a heart transplant. She lived a good year and a half with her new heart..but I guess it just wasn't in the cards for her to have more time with us. After her heart transplant, my mom knew what it was like to receive such a precious gift. She told the family that when she goes, if the doctors are able to take any of her organs to save/help other peoples' lives, she wants it all to be put to good use. My mom was always my hero, and she left being an even bigger hero than ever. I miss my mom completely. I am so lost. I am a mess. My mom was an amazing person and it hurts so much to know I won't be able to hug her, kiss her, laugh with her, and smell her again. I know what it feels like to have a broken heart. I never want to feel this way, ever again. I love you, mommy. Forever.
Name: Lynn
email_address: zenpoppies@aol.com
Location: Alabama
I wanted to share my experience with a medium I contacted. Many people have recommended her and she is the real deal! I lost my mom and then miscarried twice, the last one at 14 weeks, after seeing the heartbeat and picture of my baby. I was at my wits end. The medium, Ocallah, was so easy to talk to. She was compassionate and sensitive to my crying jags on the phone. She validated SO much. Information she could not have possibly researched came through ... personal things no one would know! I came away from this with such a healing and sence of peace. I wanted to share in case anyone else was looking for this approch. Her website is ocallah.com and email is ocallah@aol.com God bless you all! Thanks for listening. ~Lynn
Name: Anonymous
email_address:
Location: Country or state
Name: julie thomas
email_address: bjuliethomas@msn.com
Location: idaho
i lost my husband april 1, 2008 due to doctor error in giving my husband a high dose of oxycondone. he had just had surgery 6 days before. we had been married for 32 years and are expecting our 2nd grandchild. he did not want to die and had just begun to turn around from years of addiction to pain medication. for all of you who feel lost and abandonned, do not give up hope. i have been fortunate to have several friends and family who have been here for me for comfort and understanding, to help me when i needed it and even when i felt i didnt. it has been heartbreaking for me and my dog. although, my dog has probably saved me from being completely alone. god has a reason for everything, even though im not sure what that is, but i cannot be so selfish as to wish only for myself. i wish my husband was still here, but he is whole now, not in constant pain, and with his family. everyone who has lost someone, know, that whatever denomination you are, (god) is always there for you. let he/she carry you. believe and you to shall be healed.
Name: Anonymous
email_address:
Location: Country or state
Name: Eileen
email_address: eileencee@yahoo.co.uk
Location: Ireland
hi all, i lost my mam on the 3/10/07. i looked after her for seven years, she had alzheimers disease. i miss her so much that it hurts, and i am finding it really hard to get on with my own life. i feel lost, like i have lost my position in life. 24/7 i looked after my mam, and while it was very hard looking after her, there was times when it would be funny. she always though of everyone but herself! when we were growing up she did everything! she never went out and always had us with her when she did. i am very angry because, in all the years i had looked after my mother, she had never got one bedsore, not one! and within 4 days of being in hospital she gets a bedsore, then she had to go back into hospital again and in this hospital she got MRSA. i watched her dying for 4 months, it nearly killed me looking at her and being so helpless. i also have a case of the "if onlys" if only i didnt bring her to the hospital that night, if only i'd just taken her home. even now 6 months later i still cant take it in, there are days where i feel like shes still alive and i can her he calling me saying"eileen, will u get me a cup of tea" and i look in her room and realise that shes gone. i'm finding it so hard to deal with this and move on, my purpuse in life is gone...thats how it seems to me. even though my husnband and my child are here, i feel alone. and with all my heart i wish i had told her that i loved her, i only hope she knew this. Eileen
Name: urioste
email_address:
Location: ABQ,NM
WELL HERE I AM AGAIN. BEREAVEMENT WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? ITS DIFFERENT FOR EVERYONE. I LOST MY BABY. I LOST MYSELF. THE ANGER I FEEL IS ALWAYS COMING BACK SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE PEOPLE ARE SO UNCOMPATIONATE. I SAY IF PEOPLE DON'T WANT TO TRY TO UNDERSTAND THEY SHOULD JUST LEAVE ME ALONE IT MAY SURPRISE THEM TO FIND OUT I DO SO MUCH BETTER WHEN I AM LEFT ALONE. I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN ABLE TO ENJOY MY LIFE MORE IF PEOPLE JUST DIDN'T GIVE ME THEIR ADVICE WHO THE HELL DO THEY THINK THEY ARE THEY DON'T KNOW ME I HAVE BEEN THREW SO MUCH IN MY LIFE I CAN HANDLE MY LIFE ALONE THE PEOPLE IN MY LIFE THE MOST PROBLEMS THEY HAVE HAD TO SOLVE ARE SELF INFLICTED MY PROBLEMS ARE ME LIVING MY LIFE MAKING PLANS AND LIFE MAKING IT'S OWN PLANS. PEOPLE I LOVE HAVE DIED PEOPLE I LOVE HAVE BECOME ADDICTS AND INFLICTED THEIR EVILNESS ON ME WELL ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS LEAVE ME ALONE FIX YOURSELVES FIRST BEFORE YOU EVEN PRESUME TO HELP ME OUT OF MY GRIEVING. I HATE YOU ALL AND SOMEDAY YOU WILL FEEL IT I WON'T BE THIS NICE FOREVER.
Name: Anonymous
email_address: bingoblue@yahoo.com
Location: trenton
I will always love you elijah young you will always be in my heart I so sorry you had to leave so soon your loss in a lot of are will never go with sorrow I hope and daddy will be able to go on without you right there by his side .
Name: Anonymous
email_address:
Location: Canada
I was married for 29 years to a person who had a drinking problem. The last time I received a severe beating I left. I was alone for 13 years. Then I met a wonderful partner. We were together for five super years, then he died on March 8, 2008. Am having a hard time trying to live with this loss. Had a lot of problems with food. X-rays showed my digestive system was blocked twice. The pain of losing him and the physical pain hurts doubly, but one likely caused the other. I just want to be at peace, and accept that he is gone. My mind doesn't want to.
Name: Anonymous
email_address:
Location: Country or stat
Name: Michelle
email_address: chickee02360@msn.com
Location: Ma
I Just Lost My Nana Banana 3/5/08. I was Blessed to have her for 38 yrs . Best Nana in The World . I Have so Many Wonderful Memories of her . She was Funny Always swore lol She was able to meet my son last spring .. That was a Blessing . Her Wake was Very Hard My Papa and her were Married 66 yrs .. Had 3 sons and 7 Grand Kids and 3 Great Grand Kids . She will forever be Missed . I think of her Often and Know she is in a Better Place . Her sons and Husband were with her when she died It was hardest thing for them to endure but they were strong . We will always love her forever in our Hearts . I also lost My Best Friend Sheila.We Had so Much Fun over the yrs . She was sick as a child with Heart and lung Issues and was Not saposed to live passed 7 She lived to 30 . IT has been six yrs this 3/9 and I still want to call her about gossip and Talk she was the best Listener . Always Made Me laugh . My Friend Steph Just lost her son to Sids at 4 1/2 mo . We were Pregnant together and had so many plans for our boys to be friends . It has been so Hard for her and Me I Just do not know what to say . I guess Just being there is all I can Do It is Pain of all Pain Loosing a child . All of Your stories Have touched me . God Bless you all and I hope you find the Strength to Move on . Enjoy the Sun every day and Love of Family and Friends and Our Pets they Bring Comfort and love . I Love My Kitties so Much and My Dog . They truly Help you get through The Sorrow .. Hugs To all !!
Name: Anonymous
email_address: ljj6@comcast.net
Location: Country or state
My grandson passed away 17 days ago. His mother called me and said the paramedics were giving him CPR. When I got there he was already dead. He had been in car accident on Tuesday and went to the hospital on Wednedsay because his chest hurt. He died the following morning. I have one daughter and he was her only child. I am consumed with grief. I want to console my daughter and yet I am in so much pain also. He was cremated and he was an organ doner. His memorial service was on his 21st birthday. We were a close little family of three and now he is gone. Gone forever. I can't seem to get my mind around it. I have buried my mother, father, sister and brother and now my precious boy. He was more like a son to me because I helped to raise him. I thought I knew the pain of loss, but nothing prepared me for the pain of seeing him dead. We saw him before the cremation and he looked like a prince lying there, so beautiful. I dont know how to go on and the only thing that is making me try is my daughter. I also have guilt because the day before he died he wanted to talk to him. I had a sprained neck and told him to go on home and I would talk to him the next day. I called my daughter that night and said to tell him that I loved him and just wasant feeling well and I would see him tomorrow. The next day he was dead. I thank God that I sent him that message and my daughter said he told her that he understood, that I just didnt feel good. Even so, I will always feel guilty even though I know he would not want me to. Please take a moment and pray with me for our little family and all of the other families that are in so much pain. I know that GOD does not make mistakes but it is so hard to bear. God help us all.
Name: michael
email_address: oneshot_hatemail@yahoo.com
Location: California, USA
My best friend died yesterday, and I had less than 20 minutes to 'prepare', if there can be such a thing, because well meaning Oncologists will lie sometimes, trying to keep up spirits. Her name was Rita Dawn, and she was diagnosed a year ago with "Polymyalgia Rheumatica" because of persistent and growing pain in her spine, legs and hips. The good and kind doctor gave her Vicodyne and Prednisone for 8 months. The pain was better for a while, then it was worse. When she was eating 8 tablets of Vicodyne a day for three weeks, I made her return to the doctor, who finally (for the VERY FIRST TIME) had a basic x-ray done. Friday, March 14, the good doctor called us in. Cancer. Metastatic. Bone, breast, lung. See Oncologist on Monday. Basic NEW mamograms FIVE DAYS. Needle biopsy took TWO WEEKS. Surgical biopsy not done because the Jaundice(expected, they kept saying) was way, WAY too bad by Friday, 4 April. By that time she was sleeping most of the time, and I took her back to her Oncologist and just SAT on her, refusing to let her convince me to take her home unseen. Emergency admission that night. She started losing mental acuity by 10:00 that evening. Couldn't focus any longer, but she was still my wife, if a bit addled. Oncologist said "We'll do some chemo at once". So they started I.V. ON MONDAY!!!! By Wednesday she had no idea where she was. Every time I saw her it was the same thing. "Take me home, I have to go home, please let me go home." and I said "NO, I won't help you die, but I will help you live." On Thursday, I went in, and she was gasping for air. The chemo had destroyed the little left of her tumorous liver. Her eyes were dripping brown tears and her gums were bleeding as the ammonia drifted into her blood, killing her red blood cells and destroying her platelets. At 11:40 the Oncologist called. Damned coward wouldn't even face me. He said "Well, we gave it our best, but now we should make her as comfortable as possible and let her go." Bet you can guess how that processed. I had to have him repeat himself twice, I just didn't believe him. The only other choice was a ventilator, and, as her breathing on 8 liters was already at 33 / min, it wouldn't be long before she failed completely. So they put her on 2mg morphine / hour. And she cried and kept trying to take off her mask. About 19:10 on Thursday she became highly agitated, and kept clawing her mask off. I kept putting it back on. She grabbed my arms, with the tiny strength she still had left, and pulled. I finally got it, there was something she wanted to say. She said "Lub you. Wanted..Lub u." and she kissed me. I told her I loved her, kissed her back several times, she said "I had too much beer. Have to sleep" and she let me go. She never spoke another cogent word, became comatose when her Morphine had to go to 7mg/hr because even in coma her breath ended each fall with a loud groan that was not respiratory. She died at 10:42, PST, April 11, just 23 years to the day after her best friend died of cancer. Now I'm sitting in front of my computer, and I can't think where to begin. I started calling mortuaries today, but no one want's to do what she told me she wanted. Cremation and planting under the roots of a pear tree. (Why pear? No idea. She never said.) I need to dispose of her prescriptions, but where? Got a piece of paper from a Social worker around here somewhere, says where to get rid of them I think. I need to find someone to adopt her horse. I'll keep the pasture pet old ones, but her special girl needs a proper home. I need to dispose of her riding tack, her saddle, blankets, bridle, the rest. I need to get up and DO things. Pack her clothes, get her ready for cremation. Contact the banks, the courts, the insurance companies...and all I seem able to do is sit here and CRY. I need to go work the horses...and I sit and CRY. Is there anybody out there? Will anyone listen to my silly stories again? Laugh at my jokes? Is there anyone on earth who can talk Egyptology and Paleobotany with me? Find funny horse stories on the net and send them to me? Is the world entirely empty of people like her, who can forgive me, love me, and CLAW her way back to consciousness in terrible pain just to say "Lub you"?
Name: Laurie
email_address: lauriehoover@y106.com
Location: IN
I lost my sister to cancer on November 24, 2007. She was 55, I am the youngest at age 45. Then I lost my mom February 4, 2008, she was 75. Both of the females in my family are gone. I still can't believe it. The lonleyness, sadness and emptyness...tears, others don't understand, I don't even understand...and yet I have to go to work everyday no matter what as my husband has had double-vision(Dr's are calling it 6th Nerve Palsy) for 11 months now and has not been able to work or drive. We have 3 children at home and are now in the process of filing bankruptcy....so many mixed emotions, it is very hard to go on.
Name: Teddty
email_address:
Location: Bandera Texas
First my youngest son, died of stomach cancer and within 9 months my husband of 34 years also died of stomach cancer. I didn't have a chance to grive for my son because his father was so sick. I helped to take care of my son then it was my husband's turn. I feel so old and I can hardly go on. It seem as if the pain just get more painful each day. I have not seen my only grandchild since Sept. 2006 when his father died but I can't bring my self to push the issue with my daughter- in-law. The writer that mentioned the death of a child is so right. You always remember the good times you had with that child. That child is always apart of you. My husband and I had such plans once we both retired and now it is just me. People say that I should just move on with my life, but I keep living in the past. Could somebody please help me to go on?
Name: Katie
email_address: ktydiane@gmail.com
Location: US
We lost our first born daughter two years ago on the 13th. After a month of being in the hospital and 21 hours of labor I had an emergency c-section. She cried once and they whisked her away. I was so out of it, I don't remember much about that time. My husband came into the room and told me that she wasn't going to make it, and from that moment I have never been the same. I was able to go see her before she died, and hold her and tell the doctor when to take her off life support. I felt that it was only right they she die in my arms, but I can't get that moment out of my head. I now have an 8 month old, and she has brought so much joy in our lives, and she looks just like her big sister. I am afraid that having another child has made me put what happened behind me,and I have been totally numb to that experience for awhile. And now all of the sudden I can't get it out of my head. I am afraid it will all come back to me and I will not be able to function. I am a member of a wonderful church and faith has held me up, I know I will not be given more then I can handle, however sometimes it feels like I am being stretched further then I can go.
Name: Anonymous
email_address: uriostechris2@yahoo.com
Location: ABQ,NM
I am missing my baby girl that died when she was 5 years old in a tragic situation. Every night i have nightmares every morning i wake up crying because i know she will not be here today. it has been almost 4 years since she went home and i pray everyday that my time here is almost over. Crystal i need you back. My heart can't take much more of this pain and sorrow. I love you. Justice is right around the corner and one way or another the person responsibile will acknowledge their part in it. These are my promises to you. My beautiful little girl.
Name: Anonymous
email_address:
Location: Country or state
Name: Anonymous
email_address: pclover73@gmail.com
Location: Country or state
Name: Beth
email_address: stormsteel@hotmail.com
Location: ny
Hi, My mom died on the sixth of this month from breast cancer. I miss her so much. I wasn't there as much as I should have been this past year, and when the end was near I was there three days out of it. Which was the hardest thing I have ever done or witnessed. It is hard seeing someone die, how slow it was. I hated the feeling too, of watching her die. It was like we were all waiting around for it to happen, but we were still waiting for a miracle (arg I can't spell). Then one day alot of her family came over, her brother and her sister, then her step kids. It almost seemed like a party and I couldn't take it anymore so I came home. That was the night she died and I wasn't there. The Sunday before she died she was awake and for some of it knew what was going on. She wanted to see my children, so I brought them, not knowing how bad it was. We talked a bit. She told me to take the kids out on a treethumper and said it would be fun. I don't even know what a treethumper is! Then she told me I should go to. Then she got upset cause she lost her thumper. She also was modest and didn't want us to help change her, but she couldn't walk. So we had to use a bed pan. When I left for the day, to get the kids home to bed, my oldest son said goodbye to her and that he hoped she got better. She said she would get better, that'd he'd see. Then she got so upset because she knew she was dying and that if she didn't understand it how could a little boy. I wish I hadn't brought the kids. But I am glad I did, but I'm not. I can't even imagine what mom went through knowing they were there and seeing her like that. Or how the kids felt. When I kissed mom goodbye that night she thought I gave her chocolate kisses and wiped them off her forehead. The next day she was lucid, but drugged on morphine enough that she slept all day, then tuesday she slipped into a half coma (according to the hospice people, who by the way sucked). She was only 53 years old. Very beautiful and loving, caring, and she had such amazing faith in God, I don't know where it came from or how she believed so much. But she did. She wrote hundreds of gospel type poems. She always was writing, or painting, or making something, be it sewing, cross stitching or baking. I wish I knew her more, or understood her, because I don't. I don't understand any of the choices she made or what drove her to do things. Or how she could have found the strength to go through surgery, two chemo's and two radiations. I thought she was going to pull through, and survive it. But she didn't tell us, me, how bad it really was. And I am angry about that. The day after she died all I could think was "I want my mommy." I want to run to her for comfort, put my arms around her and hug her, have her tell me it'll work out or to trust in god, even though I have never been religious. I wouldn't care. I wouldn't argue with her about that. My step dad stopped by today. He gave me mom's sewing machine. Which still sits where he put it in my kitchen. Everytime I walk in there I think, 'Oh, mom's here.' I also keep telling myself I need to call her. And I feel so stupid. He isn't doing well. He found a letter mom wrote to him before she died, I guess it was a goodbye type letter, I didn't ask any details because he was almost in tears just from mentioning her. I want to ease his pain, but I don't know how. I don't know what to do. I just plaster a smile on my face, pretend I'm okay and go on with what I need to get done everyday, when all I really want to do is stay in bed. I suppose I am done now. I thank any who read this. ~Beth
Name: kent
email_address:
Location: indianapolis,in.
Name: Amanda
email_address: Amanda
Location: Northern ireland
My grandad passed away a week ago he had cancer i was very very close with him i wish i could still be close with him i love him so much i miss his wee eyes looking at me and sayin my name he was the bestest granda a child cud wish for but why did he have to go?i really miss him and cant stop crying it has broke my heart i wil love him forever in my heart xo
Name: Anonymous
email_address: vivcar29@comcast.net
Location: New Hampshire
I lost my husband of 25 years, 3 weeks ago. It has been very hard. I feel so alone and it is hard to see what might lay in the future. It doesn't help that it is still cold outside. I feel locked into the house. Not literally, just feeling that way. If there is someone out there who knows how it is and when it might get better, please jump right in.
Name: Sarah
email_address:
Location: USA, CA
My story starts July 2003.......my phone rang I was living with girlfriends at the time and my caller ID was my mom. I thought to myself it was a weird time for her to call it was late evening and she usually called in the afternoon....I knew instantly something was wrong....the bad news was shocking "Sarah I have breast cancer" followed by the most obvious suggestion "but don't worry everything is going to be o.k." DON"T WORRY? yeah right mom I thought but I couldn't muster up anything to say I was so shocked and SCARED! So began her fight.....radiation, surgery (First the lump then the lymph node dissection, hormonal therapy, and then the removal of the whole breast) and chemo. As of 2004 she was in remission and pretty healthy. She started growing her hair back and seemed fully recovered in August 2004. On September 9th I received a phone call from my stepdad and he told me my mom had been admitted to the hospital. WHAT?? She had been feeling under the weather for a week or so...what was going on? I went to St. Josephs to see her and for a day and a half the doctors had no answer....she was getting sicker by the minute....so we pulled some strings to get her transfered to U.C. Davis (Anecdote: She wanted the ambulance to go threw Mcdonalds drive thru and get her some fries.....shows she was still in good spirits despite all of this....gotta love her!) U.C. Davis admittd her and found that she was having liver problems and that she needed surgery but she was to weak to get it right away so they had to wait. I got to visit her several times and it was hard becomes she was pretty out of it but I spent the night because the nurse said she would be able to sneak me in for more visits (they were short since she was so weak and they wanted her to be strong for surgery) In my visit to her around 4am on Sept. 12th I was sitting at her bedside when she was sleeping and she suddenly awoke and looked straight at me and smiled. "I love you" and went back to sleep....that was the last time I saw her alive....she went code blue and they tried to get her to hold on but she swept away into heaven. Weeks later we finally got the autopsy results and they had found that her cancer had returned undetected and had spread to her liver and lungs (failure of the two was the cause of her death). We decided to have her cremated and we spread her ashes at Dillon Beach (A place where we often vacationed and to come to find out the palce she was conceived) Before we spread her ashes we had a beautiful Celebration of Life ceremony for her. My mom is greatly missed by all her loved ones....Gone but never forgotten. RIP Mommy Susan Lynn Leffler 06-01-59 to 09-12-04 I have made a group for people who lost a loved one and if any one care to share their experience or helpful advice feel free to join. <a href="http://www.ohbeezy.com/group.php?group_id=12">Loved ones lost</a>
Name: Anonymous
email_address:
Location: Country or state
the 7 stages of grief 1 shock and denial 2 pain and guilt 3 anger and bargaining 4 depression-reflection and lonliness 5 the upward turn 6 reconstruction and working through 7 acceptance and hope
Name: Susan
email_address: tighe855@btinternet.com
Location: Hartest, Suffolk
My darling beautiful caring husband John went for a walk with the dogs on the 9th of February 2008 made me a cup of tea, we talked about what we were going to do in the afternoon. He made a chilli, did some gardening, had a bath complained of slight indigestion went upstairs to bed and then died, he was 55. I have lost my lover, best friend, soul mate, confidente and the person who showed me such which gave me an inner glow which projected on the outside. He nurtured my true identity and I thank him for that. I feel like so many others despite having such a wonderful caring family and beautiful caring friends lost, empty with no identity anymore.
Name: ciara
email_address: ciz123@hotmail,com
Location: ireland
my best friend died 6months ago...i miss her so much.... cant imagine life without her...please help ....
Name: Anonymous
email_address: lady2lodi@yahoo.com
Location: Maryland
What are the seven stages of grief?
Name: Anonymous
email_address:
Location: NY
My father passed away suddenly after a short battle with cancer. Or maybe it wasn't. I think that he had been fighting it for sometime before he was diagnosed. We took him to the ER on Christmas Eve and buried him January 25, 2008. I, like many of you am having a difficult time accepting that he is gone. I see pictures and yet, two weeks later, I feel numb. I truly believe that I was traumatized by the hospital. I have taken care of my grandmother for almost two years. She is bedridden and has been in the hospital multiple times, and NEVER have I seen more of a depressive site than an Oncology unit. The nurses seem nice but there is no sense of urgency whatsoever. Do they not know that the family, (especially the daughet who slept in a wooden chair near her father everynight) was experiencing this too? The callousness that I experienced by some of the visiting "teaching physicians" was nothing short of horrific. In fact, it seemed like everything and everyone was fighting against me for the simplest of things. Even at the end, the tech that came in with the respirator machine walked in and slowly walked out when she realized that her machine was missing a part.I wonder how the doctor knew when my father's breathing would sharply decline, why they over-medicated him a previous time and stopped his breathing and did not even tell me- the healthcare proxy????I know that death is a natural part of life.I am just terribly angry at the overwhelming acceptance of it at these major hospitals. Do these folks need a reminder of compassion or have they merely become consumed by their everyday life? I wonder how they would feel if it was their loved one there. All I want is one more dance with my father...he was my life...... Marcee
Name: TARA KELLY
email_address: tkelly2009@yahoo.com
Location: CA
Hello, my mom just passed away yesterday. I am looking for bereavement counseling as well as friends online who may be going through the same problem. She stopped breathing yesterday. She lived 58.5 years and she was a mother, friend, and much more. Do you suggest any bereavement poems? Her name was Margaret.
Name: Jill
email_address: OHAIRJB@YAHOO.COM
Location: NY
i TOOK CARE OF MY FOURTH SON NAMED WILLIAMM 06/28/04-07/12/06 .HE WAS BORN AT 25 WEEKS AND HAD ALOT OF MEDICAL PROBLEMS BUT HE WAS ONE OF THE HAPPIEST BABIES ALIVE HIS SMILE EVEN A NONE BELEIVER COULD TELL HAD THE TOUCH OF GOD IN IT.WILLIAM WAS BORN ONE POUND 11 INCHES LONG BUT WITH A LOT OF LUNG PROBLEMS.HE GREW TO BE 22 POUNDS AND 22 INCHES LONG WHICH DOES NOT SEEM LIKE ALOT EXCEPT HE HAD SO MUICH AGAINST HIM.HE EVEN LEARNED HOW TO THROW HIS TOYS AT HIS NURSES TO GET THEIR ATTENTION.IF HE LIVED HE WOULD OF BEEN A GOOD BASEBALL PLAYER.NOW WILLIAM LEAVES BEHIND HIS FAIMILY OF THREE SIBLINGS AND A MOMMY AND DADDY WHO MISS HIM ALOT .IT HAS BEEN 2 YEARS AND EVERY ONE IN OUR CHURCH SAY WE SHOULD BE OVER IT AND THAT ANGERS WILLIAMS FAIMILY .WE ALL FEEL ALONE ON A RAFT TRYING TO SURVIVE EMTIONALLY. DOES IT EVER GET BETTER. LOVE JILL WILLIAM MOMMY
Name: Anonymous
email_address: Haven25aol.com
Location: pa
On December 5, 2004, my husband passed away. At that time we were married for 31 years. Our marriage was not perfect, but whose is. He had been ill for many years. He was a diabetic and had heart problems. I took care of him to the best of my ability. Taking him to doctor's appointments, hospitals, etc., while working a full time job. My two wonderful children helped also. When he passed, I held him and helped guide him to the other side. Our children, son and daughter and his two sisters were by his side. As far as I know he passed peacefully, due to the drugs given. I have been fine for the past 3 years, but now, lately I am not. I'm crying all the time. Sometimes it's difficult to function. Plates slip out of my hands and crash to the floor. I'm bitter, angry and lash out to those who are near and dear to me. I was wondering if this is normal. Am I having a delayed reaction to his death. I guess the answer is yes. But I don't know how to go about straightening myself out. People say I should be over his death, and should move on. But I can't. If someone can give me some answers or thoughts to ponder, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you.
Name: mary
email_address:
Location: Tennesse
On November 16,2005 my life has changed forever.my daughter Angel and her brother left for highschool i could not get her to answer her phone she had enough time to get to school i had a bad feeling then two officer came to my door.all i could say is how bad he said its bad. my angel was 16 she died as soon as i got to the hospital i didn't even get to say goodbye nobody did she died of severe brain trauma they let us go back in the ER and see Tyler he look so bad they told us he was crital and they didn't no if he would make it he had brain trauma to along with so many other injuries.they finally let us see my baby girl and it seem like my life was over ihave to fight every day just to get up.tyler came threw after months of therpy he's not the same but he will always be my tie we had to tape her funeral for him it was a long time before we could tell him she was gone he still does not rememeber the accident no ono wants to talk about her i feel so along just hanging on.
Name: Linda
email_address: linda3038@aol
Location: Country or state
How do you find where you typed your memorial?
Name: Linda
email_address: linda3038@aol.com
Location: Indiana USA
I lost my daughter almost 3 years ago. February 27th will be her 3rd year aniversary. She was my only child and I know I will never get over it. She was my best friend. She was by herself when it happened, I didn't get to say goodbye to her. I wrote a book of poems to her and its going to be published. It will be out in about 3 weeks or so. I am really excited about it. Even if it doesn't become a good seller, I will be happy to have a book I wrote to her. I have been reading the stories here, and they make me cry. I hope you all find peace and some comfort somehow. God Bless You, Linda Stacy's mom
Name: Anonymous
email_address:
Location: Country or state
Name: Arjun Paudel
email_address: arjun10c@yahoo.com
Location: Kathmandu, Nepal
The thing which is felt can be seen and the thing which cant be felt cant be seen. But sometimes, the thing which is felt cant be seen and the thing which is seen cant be felt.
Name: Crystal
email_address: bethw169@verizon.net
Location: PA
I lost my husband on December 29th 2007. To a very tragic car accident.He didn't have his lisence they were suspended. We had taken our car to my husband Chris's friend's house to be repaired. He desided to stay and help. when I left the car was in the garage. I talked to him about 12:30 a.m. and he said he was going to stay and get a ride home in the morning. At 5:15 the police came to my door and asked if I own a red oldsmobile. I said yes and they continued to ask if I new who could be driving it. I told them my husband or his friend. I did not no that my world was going to fall apart. They said there was a very bad accident and the person driving the car had been killed. I was in shock, I sent them to my husbands grandma which is who raised him, then called my parents. My parents headed up to my house on the same road that it happen on. They were stopped and talk to the police and the corinor, and Identified my husbands jewlery. It was true. I had lost my husband of one year and our daughter at 9 months had lost her daddy. He died of blunt force trama to the chest and was burned up in the car. Our daughter was his life, he was so proud of all her acomplishments. She was starting to walk, and everytime he come in the door she would light up. I don't know how to deal with this. It is very hard. And the only friend I have is a man and there is so many rumors flying because I am talking to him. I needed someone other than family to talk to, and we have been friends for years. Am I wrong? We talk on the phone, because my daughter is missing her daddy, I don't want her to think that he is her daddy. Chris was my lfe, I can't sleep in my own bed, matter of fact I'm not sleeping at all, I feel like my own life was ended instead of his. I went back to work two weeks after it happened, I'm trying to be strong for our daughter, some days I feel like I'm letting her down. Can anyone tell me what the greeving process is?
Name: Anonymous
email_address: reg2hn@aol.com
Location: Country or state
I lost my fiance in november and it is hard to move forward. He was my whole life. We were together 24/7. Out side of work of course. He was my soul mate. We were to get married the end of last year. He was terminally ill.It is hard to believe tat he is gone. Wayne was the sweetest person I have known. He loved me so much He would go out of his way for me. Seems like I can't live my life w/o him. Everything surrounds he and I. I was right by his side to the very end. He died at the hospital,I spent the night there and did not believe that this was his final hours. Always believed that he would come through. Watched him take his final breath. Just about floored me. I know he is in a better place but trully miss the special times we spent together. He and I understood one another very well. How do I go on? G
Name: Kathy
email_address: bingochick@verizon.net
Location: Texas
I lost my husband almost 2 years ago and I feel like I am floundering in so many feelings and emotions. Sometimes I feel I can go on and other times I feel like I just don't want to. My Mike was a wonderful man and we had our share of problems, but just when we were about to reach that solid marriage feeling, he was taken from me. I have been sad, angry, frightened, hurt and lost not sure of why for any of it. I don't go out much because my job is so much of my life right now so I turn to my computer for comfort and try chatting online to take away some of the emptiness. I have met some nice people but I feel I just can't move forward. I cry so much of the time because of the lonliness and the desire to find someone else but then feeling guilty for wanting the companionship to fulfill the love I still have in me. I have so much to give but I don't know how to trust that I won't be hurt. My husband died so suddenly that I am not sure I could handle any more pain. I have never been alone before and I just don't know how to handle this.
Name: Cathy
email_address:
Location: USA
I lost my oldest daughter to a drunk driver 5 1/2 years ago. She had just turned 21. I deal with the pain by not dealing with it.I push it back to the farthest recesses of my mind. I went to counseling aprox 9 months after the incident and it really helped. But now I just can't deal with it. I miss her. I am very angry that the perpetrator got away without being arrested. The cop never even made him take a breathalizer. He just let him go. And there was and is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I don't know what to do. I am a single mother. And I have two other daughters to care for. One is still living at home. She is fourteen. Great kid. She makes me laugh. My other daughter is 22 and living on her own. All my girls make me so proud. They are strong for me. And I am strong for them. I need to be the head of the family, so I can't be seen as being weak and crying all the time, so I just go to work and try to put on a happy face all the time. In the meantime, I'm dying on the inside. I need help. Any suggestions?
Name: candy
email_address: candice754@msn.com
Location: USA
I have been reading some of the memorials, and my heart goes out to all of you. I lost my Mom 21 years ago and still miss her everyday. My Dad passed over to the other side December 8th 2007, and I am heartbroken. I was his caregiver for 5 years, and lived with him always. We had a bond so strong, that I feel as if I don't want to go on without him. I do OK when I am at work, but at night I cry. I have a deep faith that someday I will be with both of my parents again, but it seems to be such a long time away. I will pray for all of you and ask that you do the same. God bless all of you and may his love and peace be with you!
Name: Donna
email_address:
Location: WV
On February 2, 2007 I lost my husband. I got up to fix his breakfast and packed his lunch for work, he was a coal miner. When I went to wake him he was gone. I tried to bring him back with the help of 911 but was unable. He died of a blood clot to the heart at age 50. I miss him terribly. I wish I could have told him goodbye and that I loved him and to thank him for the wonderful years we had together. He was a good man, never spoke bad about anyone. Why do the good die young? Was he in pain? Did he know he was dying? These are the questions that I will never know the answers to. It's hard to go on. There's not a day goes by that I don't stop and look at his picture and talk to him. I just wish he could hear me. No farewell words were spoken No time to say goodbye You were gone before I knew it And only God knows why It broke my heart to lose you You did not go alone A part of me went with you When God called you home I thought of you with love today But that is nothing new I thought about you yesterday And every day before that too I think of you in silence I often speak your name All I have are memories And a picture in a frame Your memory is my keepsake Which I will never part God has you in his keeping I have you in my heart I have lost my souls companion A life link with my own And day by day I miss you more As I walk through life alone. I love and miss you Egey !
Name: TT
email_address: Tanyetta1986@yahoo.com
Location: Country or state
For 3 years now I have actually accepted my daughters death but unfortunely I lost two more kids recently which is sending me in a spiral. I have bounced back and do not know if I ever will see life again unless I hold a child in my arms that is healty and mine. But then again no one can take he spot of those babies in my heart. I cry sometimes to the pointof a headache. I do not really talk 2 people about this because they may never know how I actually feel and they sometimes show they are agitated by me and my will against moving forward. I do not know how to honestly. When I was and I never knew my life would have so much heart break. Im only 21 and have the gift to produce twins.I have been pregnant with 2 sets in the last 3 years. But I only have 1 child . I did everything right and my life is wrong. What's the bless or gift if I cannot hold my tiny blessings in my arms while they are breathing??
Name: blueturtle
email_address: coloheidas@yahoo.com
Location: CO
I'm fine as long as I don;t talk to anyone outside of my family. I've been losong my mom for years to a chronic and progressive disease. She finally passed away recently. I've settled her affairs, have much of the contents of her apartment at my home, and now I just want to be left alone. People call to offer support, but I don't want to answer the phone. I imagine this approach isn't the healthiest, but I break down crying at the sound of a sympathetic voice. I go back to work tomorrow and I'm afraid of what it'll be like for me, especially if someone brings it up. Feeling Crazy
Name: Bonnie
email_address:
Location: Ohio
I can't seem to stop myself from crying tonight. I have been keeping it together so well up till now. I found my husband dead on the couch on the morning of December 23rd, he was only 53yrs old. I wonder constantly if he was in pain. If he tried to call out for someone. No one has been able to tell me why he died yet. We have two teenage daughters and I am so scared I won't be strong enough for them. They wanted to help with some of the funeral preparations so I let them do as much as they wanted. But it breaks my heart to remember them spending Christmas day picking out their fathers funeral clothes. Please pray for us as I will be adding all of you to my prayers to help us all make it through this awful time. Thank you for listening.
Name: Anonymous
email_address:
Location: Country or state
sad to end a year with the assasination of a woman in a war torn country. my fond hope for next year is that more people will think of peace as a desireable option. cal in worcester
Name: CB
email_address: Broagate@aol.com
Location: Pa.
Please tell sidwa@aol.com--- who feels that being noticed crying by a "macho" group of men -- co-workers is considered to be DEMEANING OR NOT QUITE MANLY is Quite mistaken or mislead. I and most other bereaved folk have found that the only good way to handle that terrible grief is to go ahead and break down and CRY----- it is actually a mandate for relief and everyone Knows it. NO one ever gets "over it" but as time goes by each of us develops means of handling every-day life and learns the feeling of being alone. Francis Bacon wrote that friendship halves the griefs and doubles the joys. Since becoming a widower I find that I've met many people who are in the same boat (so to speak) and KNOW the same pain I never realized that is possible to love so many people in such a way that we can actually FEEL each other's pain== true empathy. A "real man" is one who is not afraid to be real
Name: stevie
email_address:
Location: ireland
Not sure what to say. In july 07 we suddenly lost a member of the family.My sister,s husband died of a heart attack,he just stood up and fell to the floor!!,he was dead!,It happend while he was away on a trip with work,he died in front of hundred,s of people they tried to bring him back but they couldn,t.He died in spain and it took week,s to get him home adding to the pain,it was the worst thing.He left two children,15 abd 18.The whole family are devestated.Today is their wedding ann,my sister is completely heart broken,she,s in so much pain you worry if she will make it.She hasn,t been back to work,as a head of a school,it,s like her life has stood still.At the funeral 100,s and 100,s of people came.What struck me was,all these people stood in total silence,all so sad all wanting it not to be this way.And now we,re all having to keep going,he was such a big part ot our family we miss him so much,We thought he would be here forever.Thought he would alway,s be at the get together,s,cooking the food,he was a great cook.Thought he would alway,s be standing at the b.b.q,cooking the meat (sometimes not so cooked!). I wonder if my sister and her boy,s will ever make it,they were all so close.Now christmas is coming and and all my sister is doing is sobbing,she doesn,t seem to be able to stop.She did manage to stop crying so much,but now christmas is here it,s like she,s lost him all over again!!.It cut,s like a knife,it,s a pain so strong it.s overwhelming,grief crashing down on her,and to watch it happen to someone you love,just breaks your heart,you feel so helpless.All we can do is love her and hug her when she needs to be,and let her draw strength from those who are around her that love her.My hope and prayer is that she will look up again and see the sun,see blue skies.That she will see that there is a reason to carry on,a reason to live,a reason she was left and he went on.And in all of this the hole family are still coming to terms with his death.Still do not believe we will never see his face again.
Name: Jennifer Robins
email_address: jenrob712@sbcglobal.net
Location: USA Ohio
Losing a Child There are no words to describe what it is like to lose a child. A part of you is gone forever. At any age of the child, the loss is the same. With a young child, or even and infant, you will always wonder what the child would have grown up as. Every time you go to a young ones birthday party, or first communion, Bar Mitzvah you think of your lost child. As the years travel on, there are graduations you will attend and wonder, then a wedding. What would she look like in the lovely dress or he in that fine tuxedo? How is it that you feel so bad on Holidays, Christmas, Easter, Halloween, that wonderful Thanksgiving dinner, Hanukkah, Yom Kippur? Those thoughts will always be in your mind. You ask your self, “Why? This is not the way it should be.” There is no answer, so don’t look for it, just know, that you must go on. I had a 13 year old granddaughter killed in a car accident eleven years ago and I speak with a first hand feeling of what it is like to lose a young child. I not only suffered this loss but I watched in horror as her parents went through the worst time of their lives. I couldn’t comfort them nor could I comfort myself. Should your child be an adult offspring or a younger one. Constantly you are remembering the past--their first word, first step, kindergarten, high school, and on and on. You even remember vividly holding the new born in your arms. Memories that can never be erased. Every day there is something to remind you--a song, the smell of cologne, after shave lotion and then there is those silly things they did that sometimes annoyed you. The thought of things they liked, a favorite toy, that puppy they cuddled, his first foot ball, her first doll. You will see something on TV that instantly reminds you of your child. The list goes on. Their sweet face is branded in your mind forever. It hurt so much to go into their room even though you removed everything in there. An older child’s home is now off limits for a drive by; you take another route. The day of the funeral, you feel like you’re not really there. Numb all over, your feet don’t touch the floor, even though you know you’re walking and standing. You go through the motions, but when it’s all over, you start on the journey of mourning. First you feel nothing but pain, but after awhile you begin to feel anger followed by guilt, and then comes the sorrow and pain all over again. You ask your self, “When will I stop crying?” You are sure it will never be the same. “It’s not fair.” Months go by and if you have not kept yourself busy, you find that you are getting physically ill. Your resistance will go down making you subject to anything going around, like colds, flu and worse. You’re anxious most of the time. The doctor gives you something to help but it doesn’t work. Nothing can sooth your anguish, but somehow you know you have to go on. I lost my lovely adult daughter to cancer and I have learned to cope with it by keeping busy and by knowing somehow that is what she would want me to do. Do I still cry? Yes, I do. That is something you don’t always have control of. At least now I can think about the good times we had together and thank God we did. When I think about her, I know how much I have always loved her and she loved me. I look at my other children now in a different way. So many trivial things no longer matter the only thing that matters is they are still with me. Love unconditionally. The death of a child can mean many things to the ones who loved them. Not only the loss of that child but the feeling that a part of you is gone forever. No matter how bad it hurts, you know you have to go on. There is a life left for you to finish and things for you to do. Treasure the memories of your loved one and all the times you had together even if it was a short time. Memories can and do become treasures because that’s all you have left so think about those times, those events that made you happy. Smile when you think of those wonderful times because they will always be with you. You child would want that for you. Take up a project and dedicate it to your child. Make it a joy and a wonderful thing, maybe something you just know they would like you to do. Get involved with things in your town that will help others. Church, community service and hospitals are always looking for volunteers. Don’t let the years you have ahead of you be spent in despair. Your child does not want that for you. You are healing, even though you will never forget. Life holds a future for you don’t let it slip away. email this print this digg it del.icio.us PermaLink
Name: Tomika
email_address: tbrown9237@yahoo.com
Location: Michigan
I talked to my Mother on the phone when she wasn't feeling well. She kept saying that her stomach was hurting earlier that day. When she called me back about three hours later, she sounded so much better when we were talking, she wanted to know if I were calling and I kept telling her, I was not calling her and I asked her was she feeling any better, she said no. But to me, she sounded just like herself and she sounded like she was not in pain no more. We talked for a minute and she said she wanted to lay down and get some rest but somebody keep calling her and she wanted to know who it was and I told her it was not me, so I told her, "Mom go ahead and get you some rest. I had no ideal that she was calling me for the last time. She passed away when we got off the phone. All of a sudden, I felt this strong relief like I did not have to worry about anything and I did not know that was my Mother leaving me like that. She called me to let me know that she was leaving and she was not in pain no more. She has been gone since October 24,2007. I really don't know how to deal with this.
Name: cal
email_address:
Location: ma.
sorry to have been off line, but feel strongly we will be more solid for the forseeable future thank you for those who have been loyal participants over the years, your sympathysharing
Name: angela
email_address:
Location: england
i have been reading some of the forums and decided to write one of my own , my little boy alistair was born at 25 weeks and fought very hard to stay with us he overcome so many hurdles very bravely . for 8 long months i travelled too and from hospital twice a day every day to do the mummy things , he was and will always be the sunshine of my life never cried nor moaned and he had more reason than most to do so , the one place i thought ali would be safe was hospital and it turns out he wasnt the staff let him and me down in the biggest way possible and after a long brave fight i had to make the decision to turn my little mans life support off . my beautiful baby boy died because of medical neglect im suffering with the loss of losing a child , with the added insult that he would have and should be still here now . were currently suing the hospital no not for money but for answers we need to know how and why . ill never ever ever forget him i dont want to but the sad fact is that life gos on i have other children and a husband in the raf , the hurt will get easier ( but never gos ) my advice is to talk even if memorys are few its good to remember esp when thats all you have . i had 8 fantastic months with my baby my only regret is not ever having him home . x x x x
Name: Anonymous
email_address: Jtondettar@aol.com
Location: New Jersey
I am a widow after nearly 60 years of marriage. I have daughters, grandsons and two great grandsons who are supportive. Some live far away however. One of the most difficult things is not having anyone to talk to - except my lovely cat. My husband had Parkinsons Disease for about 15 years and died from pneumonia in May of this year (on our oldest daughter's birthday). I was there when it happened - he had just been transferred from the hospital to a nursing home. I kept saying "I'm here, I'm here" but don't know if he heard me. Two days before the transfer he had been out of it and didn't know who I was when I visited. The last day before the transfer he was fine. He was examined by a doctor soon after the transfer and she didn't give me much hope. His last words (to a nurse) were "leave me alone." I thought he was asleep but within a short time the evening food arrived and when I tried to wake him up I called the nurse. There was a rustle of activity and within a short time I had to sign the "do not resusitate" which we had both agreed on. My mind knows that this was inevitable and "for the best" but my heart aches. It's hardest in the mornings when I used to go in the room where he spent many hours and read to him. Sixty years was three/quarters of my lifetime. Thank you for allowing me to share my thoughts.
Name: Donna
email_address: loveallcats@xmission.com
Location: USA
Hi my name is Donna and on June 21 I lost my husband to a massive heart attack he was in the hospital since May but he never came out of it so he could talk to me or say goodbye or I love you or nothing I feel like it is my fault because I wanted a greenhouse and he was pouring cement I am sure when it happened and I said such horrible things to him that night and the next day I took him to the hospital the next day but I think it was too late the damage had already been done any way I had to give up my house which is not selling right now and my truck which that isn't selling either and my dogs and 1 cat and move in with my mom which don't get me wrong I am grateful I just miss my husband so much and the nights are horrible I am looking for him all the time ok I have rambled on enough.
Name: Anonymous
email_address:
Location: abq nm
it was my baby girls birthday on oct 6 she has been gone up with the lord for almost 3 years now and i still think about her as if she was just here yesterday she would of been 8 years old i am handling the grief better but it still hurts just as much i wish i could go be with her already i am tired of being here without her she was so special to me but then i wonder who will go visit the cemetary who will save her clothes and toys and bed that i have i hate that nurse i wish i could take her life crystal come back to me
Name: Michelle
email_address: mammone217@aol.com
Location: connecticut
Hi everyone. I am feeling lost sand alone right now. My son's (CJ) 6th Birthday is coming up on oct 16. I was full term, and I went to get induced and he did not have a heart beat. And not only that about a month or so I found I was pregant unfortunatly they say the baby is not growing. It breaks my heart going through this. I had a few miscarriages. ok and did I forget to mention my pet cat which i've had for almost 16 years is dieing and I am putting her to sleep tommorrow. She has cancer and it is starting to effect her. As much has it hurts me I know I must feel what I am feeling and continue to live, I know I have to for my 16 year old daughter. I know how much she needs me and I need her. I do pray alot and talk to my famliy and friends all the time. I am feeling really sad and depressed. I know life will get better its hard going through all thiese loses at once. Thank you for listening. God Bless
Name: Jennifer
email_address: jenniferwoodsm@yahoo.com
Location: Country or state
My mother died on September 13, 2007. We were so close and I can't figure out how to go on with out her. I'm 35 years old and she was only 64. I believe that she died because she had no health insurance and for so many years she had trouble getting the health care she needed. There fore many times she put off going to the doctor because she feared it would cost too much. One doctor told her not to come back any more because of her lack of insurance. Medicaid denied her many times and she was not old enough yet for Medicare. Mom, if you can hear me, I love you with all my heart. I hope to see you again.
Name: MELISSA
email_address: MCGRMELIS@AOL.COM
Location: TULSA OKLA
WELL MONDAY WILL BE 2 YEARS SINCE MY SON PASSED ON TO THE PLACE WE ALL WAIT TO GO TO.HE DIED OF A DRUG OVERDOSE.TRAMADOL.HE HADN'T BEEN OUT OF JAIL FOR 24 HOURS WHEN HE DIED. HE WAS ONLY 18.DUSTIN MCGREW. HE WAS MY YOUNGEST OF 3.HE HAD BEEN LIVING AT HIS GRANDPARENTS SINCE 2001.HIS CHOICE/I THOUGHT I WAS GIVING HIM A BETTER CHANCE AT A BETTER LIFE BY LETTING HIM GO.HE WAS 13 WHEN HE ASKED IF THEY COULD ADOPT HIM SO HE COULD HAVE HIS GRANDFATHERS LAST NAME.THINKING THIS WAS THE ONLY WAY HE WOULD EVER GET A CHANCE AT A GOOD EDUCATION,BEING THEY WERE PAYING FOR HIM TO GO TO PRIVATE SCHOOL,I LET HIM GO.THEY HAD THE FINANCIAL STATUS TO GIVE HIM WHAT I COULDN'T,BEING A SINGLE MOM OF 3 AND NO EDUCATION MYSELF.MONEY.IT IS THE MOST EVIL THING THERE IS IN THIS WORLD.PEOPLE THINK,IF ONLY THEY HAD MONEY IT WOULD MAKE LIFE SO MUCH EASIER.WELL IT DOESNT IT IS WHAT TOOK MY SONS LIFE.HE HAD IT TOO EASY LIVING WITH ALL THAT MONEY. HE WOULD GET IN TROUBLE AND THEY WOULD CALL ME TO COAX HIM HOME.WHICH I DID.HE ALWAYS CAME TO ME WHEN HE FELT THE PRESSURE OF NOT BEING ABLE TO BE WHO HE WAS.HE HAD A HARD TIME LIVING WITH ALL THEIR CRITICISMAND JUDGMENTAL OPINIONS.THEY WOULD FIGHT AND HE WOULD END UP AT MY HOUSE OR CALLING ME TELLING ME HE DIDN'T CARE IF HE NEVER GOT AN EDUCATION AND I WOULD CONVINCE HIM IT WAS THE ONLY WAY HE COULD BECOME THE DENTIST HE WANTED TO BECOME SO HE WENT BACK TIME AND AGAIN.HE WENT TO JAIL NOT ONCE BUT 2 TIMES .6 MONTHS BEFORE HE DIED AND A WEEK BEFORE HE DIED.I TOLD THEM TO STOP BAILING HIM OUT TO LET HIM SIT AND GET HIS HEAD STRAIGHT.BUT HE ALWAYS TOLD THEM WHAT THEY WANTED TO HEAR.HE WAS VERY CHARMING.SO OUT HE CAME AND THEN HE WAS GONE .JUST LIKE THAT.I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO TALK TO HIM BEFORE HE DIED. AND I THINK THAT IS THE HARDEST THING FOR ME I NEVER GOT TO TELL HIM I LOVED HIM AND THAT NO MATTER WHAT I WOULD ALWAYS BE THERE TO HELP HIM THRU.STILL TO THIS DAY IM NOT SURE IF HE DID IT ON PURPOSE OR IF IT WAS JUST AN ACCIDENT.BUT THE GUILT I FEEL EITHER WAY IS STILL OVERWHELMING.THE ANGER AT HIS GRANDPARENTS SOMETIMES CONSUMES ME THEY DIDN'T EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE ME OR HIS DAD,WHICH WAS THEIR SON,AS HIS PARENTS AT THE FUNERAL AND THEY SET ME AND MY CHILDREN HIS BROTHER AND SISTER ON THE THIRD ROW!!!!!! NOW SOMEONE TELL ME SHOULD I BE ANGRY ? WE WERE ALWAYS AN ACTIVE PART IN HIS LIFE HE JUST LIVED WITH THEM.AND PLEASE SOMEONE TELL ME HOW TO LET ALL THIS HOSTILITY GO ITS KEEPING ME FROM BEING THE PERSON I KNOW MYSELF TO BE.HAAPPY AND COMPASSIONATE CARING LOVING GIVING ALL THE THINGS THAT MAKE ME ,ME I PRAY ALOT AND I TALK TO DUSTIN ALOT BUT I NEED MORE THAN THAT TO ALL OF YOU WHO HAVE LOST A CHILD IT IS A PAIN THAT NEVER DIES BUT AS ONLY I CAN HOPE MAYBE ONE DAY IT JUST WONT HURT SO MUCH
Name: Anonymous
email_address: leesoccer16@yahoo.com
Location: Florida
Its been a little over a month since my two sons passed away.Cayden & Cameron were born premature at 23 weeks. they lived about two hours. I am so mad because they were so BIG and healthy. better than almost all babies their age. But the doctors didnt even check them. when I was in labor they told me. You're going to have these babies and they are not going to live. How can they do that? they didnt even try to save them? how could they not have lived if they were crying and breathing on their own for two hours. im so mad because my little boys are gone and im all alone and they could have lived. I feel like it should have been me. I never imagined it was possible to hurt this much.
Name: Nelly's mom
email_address:
Location: new jersey
My prayers are with all of us today. I have re-visited this site several times, reading each letter....all of us are going through the same emotions ...feeling lost, the pain, separation, disbelief... We got the medical examiner's report last week..."undetermined cause of death" was not the answer we were looking for. How does a healthy 20 year old just die without a reason...I'm a nurse..I know many medical reasons... but not having anything to pin it on just makes it more difficult to accept. Although I tried to prepare myself for the" not knowing why", and truthfully what would it change? but some closure would have been helpful...especially for his Dad, brothers and sister. again to all of us....may God grant us comfort,and the strength to move forward, to laugh again , to fing joy in living.
Name: Julie
email_address: jultep@yahoo.com
Location: PA
It has been awhile since I have been here. It has been alittle over 5 months since my pressious husband died of cancer. I still have nightmares because I had never been close to anyone when they passed. I have friends who keep asking me when am I going to get over this and be myself again I wonder if that will ever happen again this a changed me profoundly. I have a hard time being around people. I son't know who to start over without him. Any ideas of how thing will get to the point where I don't feel so lost and alone. I don't have family close and that hurts it was to bad when my Grandkids were here but they have moved away. I pray everyone here is getting along better and that the pain eases my God bless you and give you much piece. thanks for listening
Name: Anonymous
email_address: yeagerz04@yahoo.com
Location: georgia
I can relate to almost all the losses. My dad died of a massive heart attack while at work. Now my husband died of a short battle with cancer. Its been really hard. Sometimes I don't want to live and sometimes I cry. But I have to keep going because my grand-daughter was born the same day I buried my husband. Then my daughter heard that the infant she was adopting had a mass on her liver and they don't know if it benign or malignant. Since she is adopting from Ethopia and her dad just dying she doesn't want to lose someone close to her again. Needless to say it's been a terrible year. I have to go now. Thanks for letting me express my feelings. Ellen
Name: Steve
email_address: sldwa@aol.com
Location: Puget Sound
Yesterday my crew at work got called in to an "Emergency Crew Meeting". Almost everyone was there. Gil called in sick and Kerry hadn't, which wasn't unusual, being something of a Rebel. Our boss started with "I wish I was just here to pat you all on the back for a good job, but..." I knew it was something bad about one of the 2 guys not present. When it came out, I thought I was going to die right there. Kerry Hammons had die the night before when his Harley left the road and threw him into a signpost. Kerry has been my closest friend for over 20 years. We've watched each others kids grow up. His son and daughter have always been my "Niece & Nephew" and his wife, Juree, like my sister-in law. Kerry has always been there for me when things were going wrong and was there to enjoy all the good times, too. Because we have worked together for so long, our friendship was pretty much 24/7. Kerry was a Hellraiser, a drinker, a biker, a Tattoo parlor on legs, and one of the most Bullheaded men on earth. He was also a Thinker, a hard worker, a devoted Dad, quick with a joke, and a good listener if you had something bothering you. He would have you believing you were the only person of importance in the Universe if you were telling him about your troubles. He was the Best Friend a person could have. Right now, I'm at home. How does a 49 year old man grieve for the sudden loss of his best pal? I fear that I'll be at work and a song will come on the radio that kicks a memory up, and I'll start feeling the tears coming. Not a good thing amongst my Pseudo-Macho co-workers. It's not going to be easy, but I'm just gonna have to do what Kerry would do. Stand Tall.
Name: Racheal
email_address: rulmer@sbtinfo.com
Location: Indiana
I lost my son Dereion Jaylon Ulmer on July 29 of this year. I am having a hard time with this. He is my fourth child. I think about him all the time. I was off work for 4 weeks. I am now back at work. I can't stop thinking about him. It's like everyone forgot or don't care. I want people to ask me about Dereion. I want a another baby. I have asked God and Dereion if this is okay. It makes me so mad that everyone gets to keep their baby not me. I loved him so much! Everyone around is pregnant, my two best friends and my sister just had one. My sister inlaw friend doesn't even know who the father is and drank the whole pregnancy, why did she get to have her baby. My husband and I were so ready, and for Dereion to be taken from me is unfair. There are girls I know who are pregnant and/or had their babies and drink or smoke while being pregnant. One of them is giving her baby up for adoption and it's her sixth baby! No, I am not angry, I'm just sad. I want a baby so bad, not a replacement, no baby can replace my precious Dereion. Am I weird for wanting another baby? My daughter made me cry. She wrote in her journal, that she wishes she could go back in time and help her brother come to life so that I won't be sad. She's only nine years old and she has lost her uncle, grandfather and brother all in the last five years. I love my kids whole heartly and I have told and shown them this. She also wrote "Dear God can you give my mommy another baby?"
Name: Anonymous
email_address: dziradell@hotmail.com
Location: isreal
hi, last year i lost my father to cancer. it was very hard for me. already i had lost my mum when i was just a little child. i cant explain the feeling i am still in pain and will forever be in pain. my dad was all i had in the world i really cared. he was a different kind of father the only special one just for me. i always knew my dad was going to go but i blocked it out of my mind i felt maybe he would live forever. am having memories now i have to stop and go and cry will continue later.
Name: Cheryl
email_address: Cheryl4329@aol.com
Location: S.C.
Hello, I am so very sorry about all of the losses I've read about here tonight. I am a Bible student and know that everyone here has their own beliefs spiritually. I also have experienced lost of loved ones. My mother died a long time ago when I was eleven. I'm almost 48 now but, I'm still affected by her lost and my dad even though he was not around to raise me. We had started to get together and talk a little more but, cancer took him away. I say the cancer because it was not our loving God that caused his death. God's word the Bible tells us at James 1:13 "When under trial let no one say : "I am being tried by God." For with evils things God cannot be tried nor does he himself try anyone." There is only one cause of death and that is because our original parents Adam and Eve sinned toward our heavenly Father and chose to live independant of Him. They were con- demed and thus sin spread to all of us.(Romans 5:12) Satan challenged God's right to rule over mankind. So God chose to allow mankind to see if they could live independant of him for awhile. So the issue would be solved. This is not how God intended things to be and he has a set time when he is going to wipe away all tears, sickness, and the real heart breaker death wil be done away with. Revelations 21 : 3&4 tells us about it. It won't be much longer now because we are living in what the Bible calls the "last days." His dear son Jesus Christ will call and those kept in God's memory will be resurrected. (John 5:28) Please take time to read these scriptures they will be an aid to understanding and comfort. Take Care & Hold On, I know it can be extremely hard. I lost my only sister, all of my grandparents, and many more.
Name: Sue
email_address:
Location: Wisconsin
I am the person who wrote below you. Yes it's very hard,i am thinking of going for help. I will pray for you too. God will help us get through our losses. I know it takes time to heal.
Name: Sue
email_address:
Location: Country or state
Dear Taj-Kamau I am the person who wrote below you. Yes it's very hard,i am thinking of going for help. I will pray for you too. God will help us get through our losses. I know it takes time to heal. Sue
Name: Taj-Kamau
email_address: tdev27@hotmail.com
Location: West Springfield, Ma
To whomever wrote this beneath me....your never alone....You'll always be with your loved ones...and you never know...your mom could have come to get her in her time of need... "Name: ICB email_address: ibkinston07@verizon.net Location: Kingston,NY Memorial I was searching for some kind of peace or answers as to why we must go through the things that we go through. I lost my sister to AIDs August 7, 2006. The whole time I ask God for his help in preparing me for the worst. The whole time my sister end was near I felt alone being the oldest out of four children. My mom died July 31,1983 at the age of 49years old. My sister was 49years old also. I was thinking my mom came to get her, but I know better. I miss my mother and sister very much. My sister left her 9 year daughter who also has HIV. I have her and I don't know how to help her and my greif at the same time. What makes matters even worst, my dad is now dieing of the exact same thing. Im the only one he wants to take care of everything. Its only a year and I have to go through this again. I need prayer very bad. It seems like I'm alone in this situation. I sympthize with everyone who lost a love one or more. Please pray that God will help me and others deal with all of our losts and concerns."
Name: Anonymous
email_address:
Location: Country or state
I have just lost my mom on Aug.7 2007. I was her caregiver and youngest daughter of seven. It is really hard for me i cry every night. I feel really lost. LOVE YOU LOTS AND LOTS GOODNIGHT
Name: pamela
email_address: bluwaterpamela@yahoo.com
Location: arizona
I THINK EACH MONTH IT HAS TO HURT LESS. AND SOMETHING REMINDS ME OR SOMETHING HAPPENS AND THE PAIN STARTS COMING BACK FULL FORCE. THE NIGHTS ARE THE WORST FROM 2AM TO 5AM. MY HUSBANDS METALS CAME IN THIS WEEK FROM THE MILITARY AND IT WAS LIKE THE SAME DAY WE HAD THE SERVICE...... THE PAIN WAS UNREAL. HE HAS BEEN GONE FOR SEVEN MONTHS BUREIED FOUR AND I CAN NOT SEEM TO GET BACK ON TRACK. I HURT SO MUCH WITHOUT HIM.
Name: Anonymous
email_address:
Location: Country or state
I some times wonder how much grief we can indoor I lost so many presious lives in a tragic fire not long before I lost my husband my niece Becky died trying to save her children and my two nephews It seem so unreal that god would need so many angles all at once I know our family will never be the same the question time and again is WHY!!! Their is no answer I just close my eyes and remember the beautiful smiles and the cheerful laughter that sounded like music tragically 20 some years earlier we lost another set of children to a house fire I often wonder what their children would look like and I pray god doesn't take anothe child from our family again we he lost way to much
Name: Anonymous
email_address: jultep@yahoo.com
Location: Country or state
It made my heart sore to read about everyone's love ones now I know I am not alone My husband of 5 years died of esphogeal cancer on April 13,2007. He went through so much he had the tumor removed than it went to his brain but by the grace of God he was spared that year than it moved to his liver and lung. I never left his side through it all I loved him so much he was so strong but it hurt so to watch him waist away to nothing he may have weighed 100 lbs but he refused a feeding tube It happened so sudden I wasn't ready to let him go He died at home one day after coming home I relive he sound over and over of him gasping for air I can't get it out of my head I wanted to help him and couldn't I never even got to say goodby I pray he knew just how very much I loved him and will forever. I don't understand why god had to take him we search for each other for years and finally found happiness and now he is gone and life seems so empty.
Name: ICB
email_address: ibkinston07@verizon.net
Location: Kingston,NY
I was searching for some kind of peace or answers as to why we must go through the things that we go through. I lost my sister to AIDs August 7, 2006. The whole time I ask God for his help in preparing me for the worst. The whole time my sister end was near I felt alone being the oldest out of four children. My mom died July 31,1983 at the age of 49years old. My sister was 49years old also. I was thinking my mom came to get her, but I know better. I miss my mother and sister very much. My sister left her 9 year daughter who also has HIV. I have her and I don't know how to help her and my greif at the same time. What makes matters even worst, my dad is now dieing of the exact same thing. Im the only one he wants to take care of everything. Its only a year and I have to go through this again. I need prayer very bad. It seems like I'm alone in this situation. I sympthize with everyone who lost a love one or more. Please pray that God will help me and others deal with all of our losts and concerns.
Name: ICB
email_address: ibkinston07@verizon.net
Location: Kingston,NY
I was searching for some kind of peace or answers as to why we must go through the things that we go through. I lost my sister to AIDs August 7, 2006. The whole time I ask God for his help in preparing me for the worst. The whole time my sister end was near I felt alone being the oldest out of four children. My mom died July 31,1983 at the age of 49years old. My sister was 49years old also. I was thinking my mom came to get her, but I know better. I miss my mother and sister very much. My sister left her 9 year daughter who also has HIV. I have her and I don't know how to help her and my greif at the same time. What makes matters even worst, my dad is now dieing of the exact same thing. Im the only one he wants to take care of everything. Its only a year and I have to go through this again. I need prayer very bad. It seems like I'm alone in this situation. I sympthize with everyone who lost a love one or more. Please pray that God will help me and others deal with all of our losts and concerns.
Name: Nelly's mom
email_address:
Location: New Jersey
My son died on June 24, 2007.20 years old. Suddenly, totally unexpected. and we still don't know why. Waiting for all he reports to come in, but what does it matter, really, it won't change a thing. The sorrow.. that deep empty feeling...tears that have been shed , tears that come, feeling so exquisitely painful...there are no real words to describe... My faith in GOD is the only thing that keeps me going, that and knowing that I have to show his brothers and sister that in order to honor his life, we must go on..His father is devastated..and it is so hard to help when my pain is also ever-present. Nelly was so much fun to be around, his humor could make the worst day better, always making wisecracks... He had a special bond with his grandmother.. he helped care for her .did it willingly ,,,stayed with her in the hospital, encouraging her ..to continue to fight...was with her when she came home on Hospice..she died four days later.. April 29, 2007. We were just starting to regain our perspective and out of the blue, he collapsed and died... Now they are side by side in the cemetary and in heaven...I picture the two of them goofing on all of us...them laughing and joking as they always did..with that sparkle in their eyes...We just can't believe that this has happened..He had so much to give, his heart was in the right place.. I know that his mission is complete on this earth and that he is doing God's work in a different way..but I miss him so much..I know that there are only one set of footprints in the sand because God is carrying all of us...for Nelly's sake and for everyone out there who has lost a loved one I will continue to pray.
Name: Anonymous
email_address: roadwarrior88@optonline.net
Location: Long Island, NY
Dear Kimberly: I am so sorry to hear your story about the loss of your son. Your story makes me angry, because it was totally senseless, and those responsible are getting away with murder. In addition to the horrble, never ending grief you must face every day, you have the agony of injustice added on. I urge you to write to county, state, and federal politicians and explain the story. Perhaps the local prosecutor is corrupt, like that clown Nifong in North Carolina. If I were you, I wouldn't rest until every avenue you can think of has been exhausted. This wasn't some disease or accident of nature. I wish you luck, and perhaps, if you were to get justice, it may help relieve your pain, even if just a little. God Bless you and yours.
Name: Kimberly
email_address: kimflynn@sbcglobal..net
Location: Wisconsin
My son was in a car and a drunk driver killed him. There were 4 boys in the vehicle and 3 got out but the car exploded before my baby could get out. The drunk driver was not and will not be charged with anything and I don't know how to live with this. They were at a party as most young boys are but the people hosting this underage party did not take keys or monitor these kids. I have 2 son's. They are my life as any parent can relate. I know my son and he would never drink and drive and why he choose to get in that car is beyond my understanding. It happened in Waupaca county the accident but the party was in portage county. Nobody paid any consequences The people that hosted the underage party also had ZERO consequences and my sons life has been taken and I don't understand any of this. The boy that killed my son had a lawyer that was friends with the DA and she choose not to even give him a ticket. He continues to party do drugs and rock on while my baby is gone. He recently got an OWI 7 months after killing my son and with that case he finally received a fine. All charges in the death of my son were dismissed. I am unable to press any charges or do anything and I honestly am lost in this matter. My oldest son is 23 but his life has been devastated and as a parent I've failed to embrace him and help him in the way he needs it. He is the type that holds everything in and I can't break through that shell. I don't understand any of this mess. After finding this site my heart and prayers will be with each of you every night I pray for understanding for all of this. I've tried writing channel 26 you ask and we investigate, but I've had no response. Life is so complicating in all of this and the awful reality of this is that so much has been covered up in this case even the insurance company tried to rewrite the policy since Brett Oehlke (18) was driving his parents vehicle. They are from Weyauwega Wi. and they own an established electric company and are members of the chamber and active in the community. We on the other hand are not we are just plain nobody's. Many from other county's are baffled at this verdict but there is nothing we can do. So many are so angry and confused as well. Zachary was so full of life and over 400 people showed up for the funeral. In the small years of his life he touched more people than I will in my entire time on this earth. I wish each of you could have known him. To meet him you just fell in love with him. If anyone needed help or just an ear he would drive miles to make them smile. The awful part for me is so ironic because as a very small boy he always had this fear of fire. He would lock all doors and check the fire extinguishers it's like he knew his future. He would wake up thinking he smelled fire for no reason. In his later years he got over that but in the end this is the way he died. I just can't understand it and it's testing my faith. I've become an empty vessel trying to gain understanding and faith in something. I just can't seem to get up and move forward. I didn't even get to see his beautiful face. All I have is his ashes and I can't let them go. I'm sorry for dumping like this but I really am a lost soul and my poor baby boy Joshua needs his mom and I don't seem to be able to get up and move on. I will pray and pray that all your families will never ever have to out live your children. Thanks so much for allowing me write on your message board. Blessings to each of you and my prayers (to whomever we are to have this blind faith and understanding to will be with each of you) Blessings always Kimberly Patrick Joshua and Zachary aka Spongebob (RIP)
Name: Taj-Kamau
email_address: tdev27@hotmail.com
Location: West Springfield, Ma
Rest in peace to all whom have passed on....Rest in peace Troy.......MoonDog......GrandMa......Justin Stivaletta.....Paz.....Sparky......The wind will give us your touch now.....Rest.
Name: Cathy
email_address: cathyandalma@cox.net
Location: california
I just came upon this site today. I read numerous entries of people with a loss of a loved one. Tracy from Mo. really hit home with how I have been feeling after the loss of my Mother and best friend three months ago. Time doesn't seem to help, and only gets worse. Maybe this is the process of grief and it will get better once certain things are dealt with. After losing both parents now I do feel like an orphan and very alone. I know that our loved ones are not meant to stay with us forever, but it still feels so bad when they are gone. Everyone keeps telling me that she is in a better place. Intellectually I know this to be true, but my heart is forever broken. The only place that felt right was here with me. God Bless all of you who are suffering a loss.
Name: dee ritchey
email_address:
Location: In
i lost my mom 15 years ago due to copd and now i have been told i have copd my granny and my moms sister died at the age of 62 i am50 so please put me on your prayer list thanks And God Bless to all that has lost alove one.
Name: The Ritchey`s Tony &Dee
email_address: www.mem.com.
Location: Indiana
Rose; You have our deepest sympathy As You and Mike were great neighbors and very giving people we will never forget thanks again . Now a few more little words about our dear friend who will never be forgotten,As many people; Mike touched many lives. Family, Friend, and sometime even a Total Stranger.They broke the mold when Mike was born.He was one of a kind. If he met you and liked you, you had a True friend.Rose you have our number please keep in touch.Your Friends Tony &Dee P.S. To the rest of Mike`s Family,Friends as well have our deepest sympathy. God Bless To All. With Love & Prayers , TheRitchey`s; Tony &Dee
Name: Anonymous
email_address:
Location: Country or state
i lost my mum 12 months ago after a short illness after returning from a holiday abroad she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer the silent killer she was beautiful gentle and so caring for everyone else i miss her dreadfully and as trying so hard to look after my dad who is distraught they had been together 58 years and he does not know how or where to turn i love him to bits and trying so hard to be there for him but sometimes i want to say what about me and how im feeling my brother died 12 years ago at the age of 42 from cancer and i find myself worrying that everyone is going to be taken from me and i am going to be alone i dream about meeting my mum and brother and sometimes that is where i want to be but then how would everyone cope without me. my strength is weakening each and every day friends tell me it will get better but somehow at the moment it seems to be getting worse not better to lose someone you love so dearly is hard as nothing will ever be the same again no matter how hard we try thanks for reading my thoughts.
Name: Judy
email_address: justjudyblue@yahoo.com
Location: Illinois
I lost my Dad on August 31st 2006 and it was/is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. I feel as though I am made of glass and just attempting to cope with every day normalcy makes me crack and chip. He was only 68 and died suddenly of a heart attack. No previous heart trouble or warning signs. I was at work when I got the call and now that it's coming up on a year I'm just not sure if I can be at work that day. It hurts so bad and it doesn't seem to be alleviating. I hold on to the fact that Dad knew how much he was loved. We showed him and told him every day. Thanks for listening.
Name: Arlene
email_address: ahansen8@yahoo.com
Location: California
On June 16, 2007 my childhood friend, Julie died suddenly after being diagnosed with brain cancer only weeks earlier. She was only 58 years old. She was so beautiful, inside and out, so gentle, so kind and generous with her love. She had a beautiful smile. It was contagious and I will carry it in my heart until I see it, again.
Name: Barry
email_address: hatch_53@yahoo.com
Location: Illinois
My Beloved wife,Karen, passed away on February 14/07 after 27 years 10 months of marriage and 4 children. I am now only getting 2 to 3 hours sleep at night. I know where she is, and I,m back in Church. I also have Jesus in my heart. We Buried her ashes on April 12th. The wind came up during the service,but I didn,t feel it, because I know that it was the Holy Spirit wrapping his arms around me, like a blanket of warmth. Has anyone else felt that? God Bless you and comfort you as we go through our Grief together.
Name: MICHELE
email_address: blue_delaware@yahoo.com
Location: SELBYVILLE, DELAWARE
My Great niece Rayla L. Morris DOB 4/2/07 has joined our Father on 7/12/07. She was a gift for a short time, but has taught us how precious life is and has brought us closer to our Father in heaven. You were God's Angel from the start and our Angel for eternity. We love you and we miss you. Just rest on the arms of Jesus. God Bless you and your love ones. Amen!!! Love, Aunt Shell and your whole family Rayale L. Morris.
Name: Anonymous
email_address:
Location: Ireland Donegal
My son Patrick died on the Friday the 30 June 2006. He was 23 years of age. We all miss him a lot.
Name: Anonymous
email_address: lraestein@aol.com
Location: Florida
I lost my boyfriend and best friend of 6 years to the reaction to chemo treatment. He was the first man in my life since my grandfather that I really felt "got" me. We dined together every weekend, took each other to the airport, went to movies, plays and discussed everything imaginable from work to family to friend. We were silent soul mates and I am very honored I was in his life. His presence was truely significant. I had hoped this would become a marriage and some discussion was made not just 3 months ago, but he was very concerned about this brain tumor that he had had almost fully removed 2 years ago and was told it had grown. The discussion of marriage was put on hold and for good reason. It hurt, but we continued to see each other. A few weeks ago, we found my buddy deceased in his home. I arrived when the EMT's pronounced him dead. He is everywhere now and all around but not with me physically. I am hurting sooo much. I long to have him call me to chat or dine. I miss his subtle smile and caring guiding comments. He was such a great man and he is gone. The worst part is knowing that I will not get a call from him. the worst is knowing that this sustained silence is filled with a quiet fragrant peace that I have not known. I long for our movie night. But he is gone and I cannot bring him back. He would want me to continue though, he would want me to be happy and I am trying....at least I am trying to move forward.
Name: Jeanette
email_address:
Location: Ohio
It's been 6 months since my husband died on Jan. 8 from metastatic colon cancer. It seems like my grief grows larger every day. I miss his presence in my life and can't find an explanation why this happened. I am raising our children and they are the only thing right now that gives my life meaning. My husband was so brave and I never heard him give up. I know he would want me to continue on with my life in a meaningful fashion. I am wondering when a life can become whole again after you lose someone who gave your life a sense of purpose? I am trying not to dwell on all the negative experiences that cancer brought into my family's life. I keep remembering the pain and discomfort he had to go through, which he rarely complained about. I remember him sitting so silent, where once he laughed and entertained us with his intelligence and off beat sense of humor. Losing a loved one this way has created a fragile sense of life and an insecurity in the knowledge that nothing in this life can really be certain. I find some strength in going to church and prayer, although at very emotional times I lose my sense of faith. Mostly, though, I'm just missing him so much, just wish I could talk to him again. I hope we can be together again someday, can't really say I believe that for certain. Know I will never forget him as long as I live. I hope I can finish raising our children and supply them with an understanding of who their dad was.
Name: Fleming
email_address: info@warmtribute.com
Location: Illinois
Hi, I stumbled upon this site and I wanted to say it's wonderful. The goals of this site, along with my own, www.warmtribute.com are in-line. I wish you the best. Thank you.
Name: Anonymous
email_address: roadwarrior88@optonline.net
Location: Long Island, NY
Just browsing and found this site, and I was touched by all those who contributed. I have a special feeling for those who mourn, those who are forced to endure that emotional agony. And you're all reaching out, hoping to find a moment of comfort. I pray that you'll get relief. In 1996, a coworker that I didn't get along with suicided, and believe it or not, I felt terribly guilty. I was still in shock until after the wake, and then felt like a hypocrite for going there and talking to the family. It took a couple of years until I could stop blaming myself, and begin to enjoy life again. Now I know that he chose to die, and I choose life. Forgive me if that sounds cruel, I don't mean it to. If I could give my house so his mother and father could be with him again I would do it in a heartbeat. Since life is short, I choose to live life and enjoy whatever time I have. I was lucky to have wise men influence my life, they knew grief, and they knew how to live life, even with other people gone before them. We CAN live life and enjoy while still keeping in mind those who have gone before us. They'd want us to. God wants us to. I applaud and respect those of you who are reaching out for help and understanding. Again, I pray that you find it. Jesus said "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted". In the beginning of my grief, when I needed relief from the emotional pain, I asked God for strength and relief, and the pain subsided. I believed in Him, and he took my pain away. It came back eventually as I dwelled on the loss and guilt, but whenever I asked for relief, God gave it to me. So, please, ask Go