| That horrible anniversary of her death at Easter
is creeping up on me. Patti was 37 and died 11 years
ago after a long battle with cancer. She was my whole
family, the light of my life. I have also lost my
mother, father, and brother and am a 47 year old with
no family. I find Easter to be the most difficult
time for me. I have used this experience in my work
towards my Ph.D. and am doing my dissertation on
family loss. If anyone wants to talk about it, email
me at drsal@ibm.net. I am looking for research
participants. God Bless Patti. I loved her with my
whole heart and still do. -- Sally • • • My name is Jeannie, I recently lost my best friend. She was not just a friend, she was my support and my only true friend. I just seems that when god took her from me, he was punishing me for something, the pain is so bad. If you ever had a true friend, then you will understand the loneliness and sadness. Sandy was so good to everyone. She was the light of my life, my inspiration, and my mother all in one. (My mother was never there for me ever). How do I heal, every one of my days are spent talking to her, asking her why?? Why did you leave me??How could god take away the only thing in my life that was my life???I write Sandy and tell her I miss you, please come back. Don't leave me here is this world of pain, don't leave me living in this world to the monster that destroyed my children's life. I can't handle this all alone. Please Sandy just give me sign that things will get better. I want to place a newspaper ad with Sandy's picture and a poem. Does anyone out there have the perfect poem for Sandy? Please e-mail me at pmrjs@hotmail.com I need to know how to heal for my children's sake and try to just cope. Coping is ok for me, I don't feel like life is worth anything more. • • • My son Dominic died unexpectedly on April 23, 1998. It has been almost a year and it seems just like it happened yesterday. He was found in his car about a mile away from home. We had to identify his body in the morgue. I've never experienced so much pain in my entire life. Dominic died of cocaine and heroine intoxication. He had been at a college party that weekend in Vermont. He was only 23 years old. My son was a beautiful person inside who always thought about everyone but himself. He cared about the less-fortunate of the world and was a loving son. He left two brothers behind and they are both hurting and confused about the loss of their brother to whom they were very close. A day doesn't go by that I don't think of Dominic and the people he left behind. I loved him so much. His dad and his grandparents are having great difficulty dealing with this loss. Some of us have attended bereavement counseling which has been helpful. I will never forget him...I will never understand why he is gone. I can only trust that God had a reason. It's the best I can do. Feel free to contact me ... dyannessa@aol.com • • • I lost my only Son to a car accident 1 year ago tonight. This has been the hardest year of my life , seem like it was yesterday ,then it seem like for ever . I had a very special relationship with him . We were friends as well as mother and son. I have not been able to really figure out what I feel . I went through bereavement sessions , and to the medical Dr. I thought I was strong enough I could handle anything . But I am finding that I have been knocked to my knees. I try not to burden my family any more than I have to because I know they are dealing with their own grief. We have 2 beautiful Grandchildren . Blake is 4 , Alexis is 1 . Blakes wants to see his Daddy ,and the baby doesn't even know him. How do you ever live with this kind of pain? Cowe@cafes.net • • • Last night I received a phone call from someone I have never spoken to before. . . my father's former girlfriend's husband, the husband of one of the most influential people in my entire life. It was an awkward moment when I answered the phone and he told me who he was. My first thought was, "the only reason he would be calling is to tell me that Diane has died, but how can that be, she's only 43, so that can't be why he's calling." Indeed it was the reason. The day before she had driven to the cemetery where both of her parents are buried. She had swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills, drunk a large bottle of wine and was found yesterday morning laying on top of her parents' graves. Her husband told me he had no idea that she was thinking of suicide or was unhappy. I had a rough childhood. Both of my parents were pretty self-absorbed and by my teen years, I was living in LA with my mother and I was wild -- smoking, drugs, cutting school, shoplifting. Basically I was headed in a bad direction. I decided to go live with my father and his girlfriend to "clean up my act," but instead simply escalated my "acting out." My father mostly ignored me. His ethnic and religious upbringing dictating that kids should listen and obey their parents no matter what the actions of the parent. But Diane spent time with me, she listened to me, sometimes she was very hard on me, but she had greater expectations for me, and didn't want me to waste my life. She convinced me that I could turn my life around, that I could choose a better life. She was the reason that I turned out OK and chose to become a well-adjusted, responsible adult. I had been thinking about her a great deal the last few days and thought I should call her, as I did only occasionally in the last 10 years since my father died, to once again let her know what an amazing and long-lasting impact she has had on my life. But she died before I got the chance. She died 9 days short of the 10 year anniversary of my father's passing. I hope that God grants her the peace in heaven that she was unable to find in life. Thank you for this forum and for letting me share my feelings with you all. -- Kelly • • • On Nov. 7, 1998, my son Christian was killed in a fire in his home. A fire broke out in his apartment and he was trapped inside. There were burglar bars on all the windows and the body of his roommate blocked the only door out. He and his girlfriend were trapped inside with no way out. He was the light of my life. He was doing everything right in life. He was a graduate of The Culinary Institute If Arts in NY and had been working as a chef in New Orleans. He was special....a gift. He was the son that every parent dreams of having. He was loved by all. I don't know how to go on without him in my life. I feel as if my insides have been ripped out of me. It is a pain I cannot find a remedy for. I did better during first 2 months but the end of January the reality finally hit me and I have been crying non-stop ever since. How does one go on. Memories are just not enough. • • • We are all connected --- juli • • • My husband and I lost our son on July 23, 1998. Ethan was 4 days away from his 14th month. Before he was born we were told that he would be born missing a part of his brain. We were very blessed with a very healthy baby on May 27,1997. He was the light of our lives. When he was 8 weeks old he was admitted to the hospital for respiratory distress. After 2 1/2 months of pure agony, a difficult intubation, 3 weeks on a ventilator, blood transfusions, a tracheostomy and a feeding tube, we were finally able to take him home. He thrived once we developed a routine--we had so much to learn and so little time to learn it. Home health nurses cared for our baby while we worked.Unfortunately, he aspirated in his sleep this past summer. We were able to have one of each of the holidays--one Thanksgiving, one Christmas, one Wonderful Birthday. He started to walk on the 4th of July. Since he's been gone my husband and I have gone back to those unimaginable "Pre-Children" days. The house is so quiet. I can't let go of the memory of finding him lifeless in his crib. I know that he's ok--safe, and free from all the tests and tubes--but it's very hard to have faith when your loss is so innocent a child. We pray daily for another blessing. We will wait patiently. • • • It was two (2) years ago this past December 6 that I lost the most important person in my life, my Mother. She was 76 and had suffered with pain from two hip replacements for a few years, dealt with osteo-arthritis, an enlarged heart, high blood pressure, but she never lost her sense of humor. Always willing to go out of her way to do anything for anyone. Growing up, I never really appreciated her until I reached my late 30's, and by my 40's, my Mother and I were the best of friends. She was my ROCK! Nothing can ever take away the feeling I felt at the gravesite that day. I actually felt like a part of me died with her, and still feel this way today. Oh yes, we go on, day in and day out, but we feel like we just exist, nothing matters anymore. I have a wonderful support person in my life, and because of him, I am expressing my feelings here today. Everyone always tells you, Your Mother is better off with the "Lord", she is out of pain. Yeah I know she is out of pain, and not suffering anymore, I was the one that told her "I" would be okay, that it was okay to let go and be with Daddy, and guess what? "I am NOT okay today!" People tell me it is selfish to want her back, but they do not know the loneliness that I feel everyday without her in my life. I believe she is with the "Lord" and for that I am grateful, knowing that one day we will be together again. If anyone else out there has experienced the same, please email me, I need someone to talk with about this. My email address is xaing2@kwom.com • • • My mom passed away two weeks ago at the age of 52 to breast cancer after a thirteen year battle. She was the most beautiful, courageous, loving human being I have ever known. Everyone that has ever met her fell in love with her charm and friendly personality. Even in the last few weeks of her life she was always worrying about me and my two brothers..never herself. She was my best friend, my mother and my hero who I aspired to be like everyday. I feel completely lost without her and her encouragement and warm smile each day. She was the most important person in my life and so much a part of the person I am today. I find it difficult to imagine a world without her and for the amazing person that she was it seems unjust that life goes on as normal. I feel so many emotions at once that it's hard to breathe at times. I would like to hear form anyone who has been through similar circumstances. Thank you for listening. Mom, I will love you and miss you forever until our souls meet again. Tina • • • I recently lost my mother on 03/11/98 as a result of a massive heart attack. That evening I said goodbye to her she seemed fine to me she had to go and see a relative of ours at a Funeral Home and that evening my aunt called me saying that my mother was not well that she had had a diabetic reaction and was rushed to the hospital. I thought to myself this cannot be it has to be something else. Rushing to the hospital after arriving there not more than 10 minutes the doctor came out to say that my mother was gone. I was in total shock. I am an only child. My mother was everything to me. She was not only my mother, but also my best friend my confidante and I lived with her. It has only been two and a half months since her death and I have gone into a total depression. I feel so alone. I am married with three sons of my own and my husband and dad are there but without my mother, I sometimes feel that I can't go on. I miss her so much. Nobody else seems to understand the pain that I am feeling. She was here one minute and the next she's gone. I wish I could go back to the day of the funeral so that I could hold her hand or touch her face. all I am left with is a piece of her hair and her clothes, If there is anyone who can help me deal with this heartship please write back. Hanging on. • • • o my late friend mary collinge • • • My dad died in Sept of 1998. He fought lymphcytic leukemia for 6 years, then in the last 6 months of his life developed kidney cancer, a fight he lost. My mom left him after 39 years of marriage a year before he died, which devastated him. I came into his life at this time as his closest friend and primary care giver and had to become solely responsible for him. We were so close. He was a wonderful father to me and loved people. I go to pick up the phone to call and remember, he won't answer. I hurry at work thinking, I'll drive over to see dad, and maybe we'll go for a drive, or just sit and talk, but he's not there anymore. The only thing that keeps me from loosing some days is that I think, He's ok now, no more pain, suffering, fear, and fighting this dreaded disease anymore. He can rest now. He's with angels now. I wonder if he knows how much I miss him. My life has been so empty since he left. He was the one person in my life who loved me JUST BECAUSE. I'll never be the same without him. I'm grateful to have found this site, the stories I have read are helping me. • • • In 1998 I have lost my brother my father my mother and my sister. They were such wonderful people my life has completely changed I am devastated but I give God all the glory for never leaving my side during this horrible ordeal. I feel for each and everyone who has suffered a loss you all are in my prayers.It would really help to hear from others who have suffered such losses my E -mail address is haily_1999@yahoo.com. I also have to say that I give much thanks to my wonderful husband and 2 children who has stood by my side with their overwhelming love. Thank you so much for the opportunity to open up with my feelings. • • • My name is Michelle and I would like to share a very painful story with all of you. On January 15, 1998, I was 41 weeks pregnant, at the very end of my 9th month. I went to the hospital because I didn't feel my unborn son moving for over 12 hours. When I arrived at the hospital, the nurse assured me that everything was probably OK and that the baby was probably sleeping-until she put me on the fetal heart monitor. I'll never forget the look on her face and how she said in quiet words, "I think you may be right, I cannot detect a heartbeat. Then ultrasound was called in to confirm my worst nightmare. My baby had died in utero (inside me). THE PAIN, OH THE PAIN, THE LOSS, I SILENTLY SCREAMED, THIS CAN'T BE, MY BABY HAS DIED. I will never forget that day and still grieve the loss of my stillborn son. If this has happened to you, please e-mail. I can tell you some very helpful things that got me through this year. Also, I can recommend some excellent reading books or even refer you to a prenatal bereavement specialist who is certified in the loss of stillborn, miscarriages, and ecotopic pregnancies. my e-mail address is: mbart18866@aol.com • • • help?? I was reading your letters and thinking "I can't imagine" then realized "Oh God!" yes I can...... My mother died May 9, 1998 at just 66yrs she was vital, the Head of a hospice organization, and a the most wonderful wife, mother of 8, and grandmother of 29, a person could know. THEN, feeling like the most horrible thing had happened,(I had never lost anyone very close before) My sons were in a car accident on July 22nd 98 my oldest survived and is recovering from head trauma and a shattered leg,and hip. he will be o.k. He was driving, poor boy can't remember it at all yet has to live with guilt and the loss of his little brother. My second son, who would have been 15 the following week was killed. My husband and I had 7 children and adored all of them. Now it's a struggle to breath let alone work and love and care for the others. Before My husband and I got up on Christmas morning we heard our two year old from down by the tree "my brent died" very sadly... What now??? • • • My mother passed away on January 31st, 1998, it will be a year since her death and I can't believe I haven't died from the depression I have felt. My only solace has been in knowing that her spirit is free from the terrible disease that had her fighting for her life for the past few years. I know that her soul exists on another level and that death is only the end of the physical body and that some day we will be reunited, it is just her time here was up and she's gone on to bigger and better things. Anyone may respond to me at Poughky@aol.com • • • Can anyone help me? I don't know what to say at this point. My boyfriend, lover, best friend, and father of my 3 year daughter Jamie died suddenly 2 days before Christmas. It was so hard telling her that her daddy got bad owies from falling in the shower and he isn't coming home anymore. Let me start at the beginning. Don and I had been going out for 4 1/2years, we have a daughter named Jamie. Don had blacked out once in 1990and wrapped his car around a tree. He didn't remember anything about it,but ever since that incident, he had been having some "spells" where he would see a sort of movie in front of his eyes. Most of the time, he would come out of it fine, but in May of 1998 he had another "spell" and blacked out completely in the shower. His roommate found him on the floor in the bathroom having a grand mal seizure. Don remembered nothing about the incident or anything else that day. Then in August he had another really bad one and blacked out again, this time at my house.He woke up and picked up Jamie from daycare, again remembering nothing.Last Wednesday, I got off work and went to see him at his work, the people working with him told me he hadn't called in or showed up that day. I went straight to his house, his car was there, and there was no answer to my pounding on the door. I called the police, they showed up.Mike, a friend, went to get the keys, the cops went in and found my Don on the bathroom floor, dead. O God, I miss him so much!! My family and friends have all surrounded Jamie and I with love and sympathy but I would still love to talk to someone else who has gone through the death of a husband/lover/friend.My name is Deanna, you can contact me at Deborah Schmidt<schmidt@midco.net>. Thank you. • • • My mom died 12/9 at the age of 61. The doctors told us there was a 97% chance of coming through with flying colors. I spent the day before and the morning of the surgery with her, she was her normal cheerful and funny self. As my Dad and I sat in the waiting room we talked about what a great women she was. I always bragged about she was my Best friend and it wasn't her time to go yet because she needed to get me through the teenage years with my daughter. A few hours later she was gone. I am lost without her and do not want to believe this has happened. She was such a lively lady - always the life of the party. I miss her so bad I can't even function. I would appreciate hearing from other people that
may be able to help me • • • My mother died suddenly last October from a stroke. Although the pain has lessened with each passing day, I still feel like a big part of me is missing...a part that will never be replaced. At 33 years old, you would think that I wouldn't need a mother so much, but I do. I need her to be here when I give birth to my first child. I need her advice and her stories on bringing up a child in this big world...I feel a little cheated. There is one thing I am grateful for...I was able to talk with her and tell her I love her just hours before she died, and I consider this last conversation the greatest gift. I know that we must make sure that the people we love know how we feel each and every day, don't waste your words on petty arguments or idle conversations...tell them how much they mean to you! • • • My dear sweet Grandma passed away November 27, 1998. She gave me gifts of her patience, time, and love. She brought me comfort on days when I just need a hug or the touch of her lovely soft hands. She loved me unconditionally, my imperfections were invisible to her. She gave so much and asked for nothing in return. The love the two of us shared will live on in my heart......never lost, never forgotten. The sound of her voice, the wrinkles of her face, her love, her laughter, etched into my heart forever. Eileen Horvath • • • I lost my Roger on Friday Sept.04, 1998. He had
been sick for 5 years. I took care of him, along with
my son living with us. We both are devastated. Roger
was our baby, and had become like our child. We both
miss him so much. He died of a massive heart attack
brought on from emphysema. I miss him so much, but I
know that Roger really suffered. He spent most of his
living moments just trying to breathe. I just can't
believe he is gone, I'm so so sad, but I know in my
heart that he is better off now. I love him, and will
miss him forever. • • • On Dec 9, 1997, my dad died from stomach and brain cancer. How ironic it is as he was the most brilliant person I've ever known. There was really only a month from the time he began to show symptoms and his death, but oh, what a hellish experience. This man who once stood a sturdy 5 foot, 11 inches tall, who seemed immortal lay there helpless in the days pending his death. The hand that could once wrap itself completely around mine as a child could no longer lift itself from the hospital sheets. The absolute power of this mortal disease was shocking and through it all, I guess I couldn't accept or cope with what was happening to him and still don't think I have a handle on it yet. Watching my hero waist away was more than I could bare. That was a year ago. He never made it to Christmas and the new year, or the birth of my 3rd boy, James, who was born in January of 98 and he wasn't around long enough to see how independent and strong mom has been since. I wonder if his spirit knows what an impact his life and death has had on me or the valuable lessons that he taught. I wish you all could've known him, because if you had, your life would've been enriched by his humor, wisdom and strength as well. I'll always honor his memory. • • • Hi, my name is Diana, I lost my mom on Feb
15,1998 to lung cancer, and I have lost my
husband of 3 1/2 yrs to a truck accident on Oct
10,1998. Seventeen days before he was to turn
42. this has been on horrible year and I hoping
to gain strength from others who have gone through
similar situations. I'm really not sure where
I'm at right now. I'm hoping this hurt will go
away soon. I apologize if this is not uplifting
email. I'm trying to cope. We have 2 1/2
yrs old girl, and she keeps asking when daddys'
coming home. she doesn't understand. Thanks for
letting me say this. • • • The happy, fulfilling life I once knew was shattered on March 1st, 1998. My handsome, wonderful, caring, husband died at the age of 28. It has been 8 months and sometimes I think I am still in shock. He was my best friend. He was my life. He was my reason for being. He had a seizure Sunday March 1st of this year, and just didn't wake up. The doctors could not give any real explanation--just a rare thing that can happen. Every day, I question all the "what ifs" I still can't believe he is not with me-I never in my worst nightmares would have ever seen this coming. I am 24 years old, and am so lost. My family and friends have been very caring, understanding and supportive, but of course they can't do the one thing for me that I want--I want my Bob back. Next month would have been 7 years we would have been together. We married May 11, 1996. In the past 4 years we have been working on our house, and had just recently decided to start trying to have our first baby..where do I go from here???!! I am having so much anxiety over the holidays coming up also -- If anyone can relate, please email me -- thanks for listening. Aim4Bob@aol.com --AMY • • • My Papa died on November 5, 1998 the day before my
daughter's 2nd birthday. I will never forget this day
because of it. I grew up without a father and my
children's father is gone too. We only have two men
in our lives and now one is gone . I feel so selfish
for missing him so much sometimes. His own children
(my Mom especially) are handling it so well. I cried
so much at the funeral and couldn't cry again until
today. I found this sight and am sobbing. I think I
am afraid of never stopping. I can't even focus. I
hurt so much. I love my Papa so much. I wish I could
of helped him but the Cancer took over to fast and
nobody could help. He went so fast. It all seems like
a dream sometimes. A very bad dream. • • • My father died very unexpectedly last January. He just turned sixty years old and was very healthy. He had just retired and bought the motorhome of his dreams. He died from an asthma attack which nobody thought his condition was life threatening. One day he was here the next day he was gone. we were very close and lived near each other The pain of missing him is unbearable. I cry for him every day . My heart aches so bad I feel like I need to tell him what happened. I know nobody can take away my pain. I am writing this because maybe someone you love has asthma and doesn"t realize the seriousness of their condition. Asthma is not curable but it is manageable with the proper medication. So please read this to someone you know with asthma. My dad would still be here if he would have realized it was life threatening. I miss him so bad. He left my mother a widow and all our hearts are forever broken. • • • Two weeks ago yesterday November 27, 1998, one of my best friends was killed in a car accident. She was 22 years old. I miss her so much. The last while has been going to wakes, funerals and memorials, but now that those are over, I find that i'm sadder. I miss her here, I need her here to help me get through this. There were 8 of us girls who have been best friends since the 10th grade. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with, and I can't believe that she is not hear to help me. My friends have been great, they are all incredibly supportive. We are all going through the same feelings right now, and it helps to talk but I'm just so sad and tired. I'd really appreciate hearing from somebody, to tell me what to do now. kjballin@hotmail.com
• • • My little boy was 15 1/2 months old when he became sick-we soon found out the day after Christmas in 1994, that my son had brain cancer. My son was such a fighter-even though the doctors said he wouldn't make it on 3 different occasions my boy beat the odds each time until we were told the tumor had come back and they would have to operate again...... I knew this time my little boy wasn't going to come home with me. Even though I wanted to believe it with all my heart and soul-I still knew that it wasn't meant to be. God had given me this beautiful child and now it was time for him to return home to his palace in the sky and fly high...... God had given me the strength to stand up and believe in him and to face each moment no matter what might transpire. My son went to be with Jesus and my mother on June 1, 1997. His name was Colton and he was a fighter. I still believe in the strength God has given to me, even though I have to admit that it becomes hard to put one foot down in front of the other but I do and will....... One day I will be with my boy again-but until then I will keep doing the best that I can until God says its time. Thank You for letting me put my feelings out. --js • • • My 19 yr old son died in a motorcycle accident in April 1998, 6months ago actually. He left his sister Niki to try and live on without him. She is struggling so with her anger. She is rebelling and hiding herself away from us. Niki and her brother Bradley were close, Niki is 15. The other day my husband found her sleeping with a picture of her and her brother Bradley.My heart is breaking at her loss and then I have my own grief. God I pray let there be an answer for all of this ,let it be for not that we suffer. Brad I know is in a better place but we still try and carry on here on this earth. If any one has any practical advise they could offer for a grieving mom & for her daughter please email me. Thank you for listening and thank you for having this site for us who grieve to share. kburto@integrityonline5.com • • • Hi! My Mom passed away of Lung Cancer on May 23, 1998. My Husband and I live in our house with my Father for the time being to save money. I feel an overwhelming responsibility to be there for my Dad 24/7. It is stopping me from living my life. I'm 29 years old, not even married a year and I need help in getting through this. I have asked my Dad to go to a bereavement group but he refuses. He is a very proud Man. He does not have many friends that are single for him to hang out with so I feel the obligation to be with him. We are selling their house (That we live in now) in May and he is going to live with my Husband and myself, but I need to have him get involved in something. Do you have any ideas other than bereavement groups that he can become involved with? Keep in mind, he is 66 years old and has horrible arthritis in his hips, Knees & spine. He is mobile and will become more mobile once he gets his hips done so limited activity would be best. Please help! Thank you so much and God bless you for having this site! --Alexandria (Ali) • • • My dad passed away on June 9, 1998 after battling cancer for 16 long months. He was my best friend and I miss him so much. Everytime I think of him or even look at a picture, I cry cause it's so hard to believe he's gone. I learned how to really rely on God during that time--my dad was, and still is, a real inspiration to me. I can thank God for blessing my life with such a wonderful man. -- Rebekah • • • You were and still are my only sister and I miss you so much. I love you -- Lesley • • • Bereaved Parents Share puts out a very nice publication. It is for parents/grandparents who have lost a child of any age at any time. Siblings often share their feelings in BPS issues as well. Carol Ruth Blackman is the editor and can be reached at bpsbps2@molalla.net For the widowed there is THEOS Foundation. I do not have an e-mail address for THEOS; but their address is 322 Blvd. of the Allies, Suite 105, Pittsburgh, PA 15222 Phone: 412/471-7779 or FAX 412/471-7782. Your site is very nice and performs a valuable service. My husband, Lynn Weaver, died in 1973 at age 36 of a heart attack so I am acquainted with grief. I think having "someone to listen" is of great help in healing. Bless you for being there for others! -- Sincerely, Pat Weaver • • • I have been trained as a crisis counselor, so I am familiar with the grieving process. I have experienced a traumatic event and loss, and sometimes even now after 10 years it gets to me. But what I am writing about is the loss of my grandfather 13 months ago. He was the greatest man I will ever know, and I can't tell you how much I hurt. I didn't know he was as ill as he was, I lived several hundred miles away. My family did not want to concern me, so they did not say much. Thankfully I did not listen when they told me to stay home after he went into the hospital, so I got to say goodbye, but I haven't really said goodbye. I am stuck. I can't bear to think of him, talk to him, talk about him, look at his pictures, writing this is killing me... I can't get over it. It hurts so much... I miss him so much... My family is not one where we can discuss this type of thing, so they are not much help...My husband doesn't know what to say... Anyone out there have some suggestions to help me? I know that I am supposed to be trained in this, but I can't seem to deal with any of it... I know he is much better off... finally out of pain... but I miss him so... And to all of you who feel the same as I do... I am very sorry for your loss. If you would like to email me I am a good listener... Thanks for listening to me. -- NVSurivior@AOL.com • • • On June 27, 1998 our beautiful 29 year old daughter, Veronica was killed in a car accident. Her two young children were with her at the time. Mercifully, they survived. Her five year old son had multiple injuries but is doing well now. Her two year old daughter had just cuts and bruises but cries for her mother. I held up well for the first 3 months and now I feel like I'm falling apart. I want to come out of my depression to be there for the children. They are living with their father, but I am so heart-broken that they will grown up without a mother. If anyone else has lost a child and are trying to help grandchildren cope with the loss, please give me any advice you can. I am seeing a therapist and joined a support group, but it only meets once a month. I don't want to burden my family with my grief since they are all suffering so. Thank you. Maureen at Robertab@iamerica.net • • • To all who have lost, especially a child. I lost my dear son David, l9 years ago this October 25th, to Cystic Fibrosis. It still hurts and I miss him terribly. It took me many years to work through the grief and the best way I did was to share, talk, listen and love with friends and family. I started a support group for parents who have lost a child in my area 11 years ago and was one of the most important endeavors I have ever done. Have met the most wonderful, loving and helpful people. My point is to seek out people who have lost in the same way you have and you all will come together working through the dark valley into the light and some peace. We never ever forget our loved one and will always miss them everyday, but as a tribute to them we try to do our best to "heal" and enjoy the many loving and good people around us. If I can help anyone in any way please E-mail . I feel we are all connected and to help someone else through a hard time will bring us healing also. Keep trusting and hoping and I send my, prayers, support, encouragement and love. -- Fondly, Mary • • • I attended a funeral today for Little Colt Pigg, only 27 1/2 months young. I sat and watched as two wonderful parents were torn apart. Colt was diagnosed with a blood disorder in May 1997, just one week before his first birthday. His Mom worked with me at his physician's office. We were with her through the whole ordeal and in July 1998 Colt's diagnosis was changed to a form of leukemia. Colt's 3 1/2 year old brother, Cody, was a perfect match for bone marrow transplant. This was performed in early August and was considered a "successful" transplant by his doctors at Duke University. However, the very week little Colt was to be released from the hospital, he developed a blood clot in his liver which caused kidney failure. Then several days later he had complete organ failure and was placed on life support. Colt was getting better when he had an unexpected brain hemorrhage this past Wednesay. We lost him, after such a struggle. I have two small children of my own and my heart goes out to Michelle and Jeff. As I sat through this funeral today and I could not begin to imagine the pain these two were feeling. You could see it on their faces and I will never get the image of "Colt dying peacefully in Mom's arms" out of my mind. When his doctor told me this my heart was torn to pieces. Colt was Mama's Boy and I hope and pray every day that his young parents are strong enough to go on. I don't know if I could. Please pray for the Pigg family and hope that they are able to endure the burden of losing such a small, innocent, wonderful little boy who fought so hard to live. I will never take my children for granted-I will only thank God that I have them to hold. • • • My beloved husband Leo passed away in April of this year from pancreatic & liver cancer. We did not know that Leo had cancer. He was being treated for a disease that was totally unrealated. I believe that Doctors today are so specialized that they do not see the total picture. I watched my husband grow thinner and weaker beginning in January of this year. I kept asking him to go to another Doctor in addition to the two he was seeing. "No, no, they know what they are doing. It will be ok." After several trips to the hospital and him getting no better, only worse, in April I insisted that they put him in the hospital and figure out what was wrong with him. They found liver cancer after much searching and sent him home with appointments with onocology specialists. Then from Doctor to Doctor. Trips that he could hardly survive. So weak I had to get a wheelchair to get him from the Doctors to the tests at the hospital as an outpatient. Finally so sick, throwing up and barely able to shower or move. Sitting up in his easy chair to sleep because he was so uncomfortable. I was so desparate and scared because I could see that he was wasting away. Calling his Doctors, begging them to put him in the hospital again and make him feel better. That happened and more tests and him no better. All kinds of complications occured and he started to slip away. I called the children and grandchildren to come right away and blessed are we that they all came. He left us on April 20. He was so tired and weary from his illness, he just needed to rest. So, here I am after 38 years with a sweet man that I desparately miss. Going forward, staying busy and dreading the times when the sadness is so heavy I can barely carry it. Always looking forward to when these times pass. Intellectually I know all the right things to do but sometimes the emotional periods can get the best of us. I have six grandchildren and one great grandson and they are blessings to me as well as our three children. God bless all of you that have lost a loved one. The pain is like no other. Hugs to you all! • • • My dad passed away three years ago in September, when I wasn't even 18 years old yet. I am now 20 and still and always will be in a great deal of pain. He was the most wonderful person I have ever had the opportunity to love. Dad knew that he probably wouldn't live to any ripe ole' age, but never did he let any of his 5 children know. I am the baby of my family and was still daddy's little girl when he left me. I still remember all of that days dreadful occurrences and play it back in my head anytime someone mentions him. I was late for school the day my dad had his major heart attack and was able to get to the hospital to see how my mom was pretty fast, not fast enough to get to say good-bye though to my dad though. I will never understand how the strongest, most intelligent, love in my families life could leave, he is the one that supported us. I will forever miss him and know that God will take care of our precious Wilbur Manard Sims Jr. I would love to hear from anyone who needs to share a loved one's life. -- Daisies501@aol.com • • • Our 7 year old son drowned 7 years ago at a summer camp. It's hard to think that we have been without him as long as we had him. Our memories of his life are great ones. The ones of his death are still, and always will be, hard but if sharing them makes just one person hug, kiss and appreciate the little life God has loaned them in a child, I will go on sharing them every day of my life. Please remember to never second guess yourself as a parent. Go with your "gut" feelings when making decisions for your children, it's God giving you instructions! Hug one for me... --Rhonda • • • Hi, My name is Tricia Zocchi and I wanted to let you know that your web site is really inspirationaI...didn't see any children writing in about suffering the loss of a loved one but would like to share with you a book that you may want to recommend to parents in aiding the discussion of death with small children. The name of the book is Jinka Jinka JellyBean and it is a beautifully illustrated book and has been very successful in the coping process over the loss of a loved one. You can find the book on Amazon.Com. or you can email me back and I will give you more info on the book. -- Thank You, Tricia Zocchi • • • Hello, my name is Patti and my mom is dying of Pancreatic Cancer. She no longer is the beautiful, robust, full of energy woman she once was, but now frail and weak and needs me to lean on and be there for her. It is such a heavy burden and I am ridden with guilt because I am so tired, but she only has me. I sit and watch the familiar signs as I have been in this same spot before -- you see my grandmother and my twin sister (43 yrs) died of the same cancer. I am heartbroken that I have to see this yet another time happen to the lovely person who shared my grief with the loss of her own mother and her daughter. Life is so very hard sometimes especially when there are no other siblings to share this with. I'd would love to share thoughts with others -- my e-mail address is PatCute1@aol.com. -- Thanks for listening, Patti • • • I lost my husband after 43 years of marriage together we had 6 children and now have 11 grandchildren. Thank God that I can look at each one of these individuals and see some part of their beautiful father and Grandfather in each of them. He was a special person in all of our lives and although he has passed on we will always remember him for being kind, considerate, and most of all always there when we needed him. We will miss him and love him always. • • • My name is Heather Coover. Our baby just died on May 27, 1998. We were six months pregnant and went to the doctor for a routine check up. My doctor could not find a heartbeat and send me to the hospital. The doctors later confirmed that my baby boy had died. Friday morning my labor was induced and I had my beautiful baby boy Saturday at 1:27am. My husband and I named him Hayden Edward Coover. He was so tiny. He would have been big baby at full term though. I miss him so much inside my tummy. I am very hurt, angry and confused. I would like to have some one to talk with if anyone understands. My E-mail address is: heatherfeather4@juno.com Thank you, Heather Coover • • • We have known that my mom had Pancreatic cancer now for 7 weeks. I have watched her decline. I have visited her everyday and have seen the change of from answering me at the door and having lunch at the kitchen table...to now just about all of the time on the sofa. From having lunch with Dad and I to just soup to now just Liquid nutrition. I am having such a hard time dealing with the thought of losing her. She has lived a good long life…88 years and her and my dad married for 58 years, but I just can't bear the thought of what it will like living without her here. I am an only child…so there is just such a burden because I don't even have anyone to share this loss with. I have a tribute to my mom that I would like to share. My mom always save empty cans for the 5 cent redemption. I never did. I always through them away. She knew this. A few weeks ago when I was at mom and dads my dad mentioned that there were empties that could be returned. I said "I'll return them" and my mom said…"Will you just throw them away?" Then she told me what she has always done with them. She said "I go to the redemption machine at the grocery store and wait for a mom and child to come by and then I ask the mom if I can give them to the child to redeem and let her/him keep the money. You should see the sparkle in the little children's eyes. It maybe only 35 or 50 cents…but they get such a kick out of it." I now have been saving our cans and doing the same. I will always do this and tell the mom that my mom did this and I am remembering her in carrying on this little gesture. I will miss her so…I love her so. --Sandy • • • He was only 53 yrs. old, and he was lucky to have a liver transplant last Jan.16th. We even gave him a balloon that said Happy Re-Birthday. He still wasn't well even with the new liver and for the last 1 1/2 yrs he had to receive blood transfusions and he was weak. It broke my heart to see my only sibling going through this. My mom took care of him. The Doctors said if he has his spleen removed he would probably be alright. I spoke to him before the surgery and before I hung up I told him I loved him and he told me the same. My mom and I went to the hospital to wait for him to come out of surgery and the Doctor came in shook his head and said he didn't make it he hemorrhaged.This was June 26th. The world lost a person who loved life to the fullest and had a wonderful sense of humor. He mad everyone laugh. I will miss my brother Frederic Carl Rice everyday of my life.I hope he is with my dad in heaven and all the other people we loved and lost. Blueyes325@aol.com --his sister Linda • • • My name is Barbara, and I'm feeling lost and lonely. My husband died almost six months ago, and I feel like it was yesterday, but sometimes it feels like it was ages ago. I know other people know how I feel. I truly loved my husband, he was my best friend and now I have to spend the rest of my life without him. He had been very sick, waiting for a kidney, but died after two years on dialysis from bone cancer, undiagnosed. I just wish that I could talk to someone who understands how I feel. My email address is barbaraverne@sprintmail.com. --Thank you, Barbara • • • I can't help but wonder if she was ready to go - if she knew that this was it. I kept thinking that she was going to fool us and pull through and the doctors would be amazed and say we don't what was wrong but she's made a complete recovery. And she would come home and we'd do all the things that we had talked about and never done. We would spend Saturdays together baking and we would go visit Lee Kingman and I would take her to Disney World and to the Cape and we would visit the cemetery together and fix it up together and she would write about her mother and father and her grandparents and tell me stories. I don't know how I keep getting through each day without her. I talk about her to everyone. I want everyone to know that probably one of the sweetest, kindest ladies to ever live died. And I want them to be sad. I want them to say yes she was wonderful and we will all miss her. I want the world to pause and notice that something beautiful is missing from this great Earth and that Heaven just became a happier, brighter place. I miss my Grammie with all of my being. --Nanci Ann • • • I arrived at work today and listened to my voicemail. I heard the voice of the brother of one of my co-workers who told me Peter had passed away during the night. He had just finished ankle surgery from an injury from our softball game the other night. There were complications…a blood clot. Today I had to inform the staff that we had lost Peter. It was one of the hardest days to get through. Peter was a wonderful person, full of joy and hope. I have to clean his office tomorrow and take his personal items to his mother. I hope I will have the strength to do this. Peter was 37…too young…too many things unfinished. We will all miss him. Peter…it was an honor to be your friend. • • • Victoria fought cancer for more than eight months. Her body was a battleground of defeat. But her spirit was her namesake-victory. Her family misses her painfully. However, we will take a page from her own courageous fight and march on . . . and honor her memory. • • • Daddy, I want you to know that we all love you very much and we miss you. Everytime I think of you I cry, as it is still too soon to laugh about our memories. When I was at work the other day I felt a great calm come over me and it felt like someone stood behind me and touched my shoulders, and when I turned there was no one there. In my heart I know it was you. I will always be your little girl. I love you. --Linny • • • It's almost four months since my dearest and closest friend died suddenly and I can't believe the pain I feel. I speak to her all the time, but not hearing her laugh at my silly jokes, or tell me what she's been up to is leaving me so empty and hollow. I miss her so much. All I have now are a lifetime of memories, and my lifetime to relive them. • • • My lovely niece is dead, her body still lives, waiting for her to become brain dead, then as an organ donor, she will bring life to another with her heart, kidneys and lungs. She will make it possible for a child to be able to run and play. She will make it possible for someone to hear or walk, she will give sight to someone, that they can gaze at their loved ones. She was a wonderful giving person in life, and now due to being listed as an organ donor, she will continue to give to others. She was only 40, and I hope those that benefit from her demise, will remember her as I do, my sister's only child. You were loved by all of us GiGi and may those that have benefited from knowing you and those that benefit from your death, do the same, as I have and list yourself as an organ donor, so you to may provide others with the ability to live, walk, see or hear. I now need to find a copy of the son GiGi for my sister. Vaya con Dios my lovely niece. --Uncle Chuck • • • My wife of fifty years has just passed away in pain due to cancer. I'm having trouble trying to cope with her loss. I have three children and they have been very supportive but they are far away and have their own families. I've tried hospice and senior clubs but still have depressive periods. I know I will never forget her and I do talk to her urn of ashes and that helps that her soul is still around. --Don • • • my mother's name was Maria Everyone loved this little elf . . . My mom left this earth on 9/3/96, a date I will never forget. Since that time, I haven't been right -- there's such a black hole in my soul. I miss her terribly. She was the only person I could trust (besides my dog Miles Davis). I feel like a big part of myself went with her. She always called me "her girl". She was a beautiful human being and I celebrate her everyday even though it's painful. -- Juli • • • Spend time with others. This helps speed the healing. • • • Don't worry about appearances - your grief is legitimate. • • • Stay active. Structuring your time will help, but stick to your normal schedule. • • • Helping others can be a good escape from self-absorption. • • • Postpone big life changes or major decisions. • • • Don't fight recurring thoughts. They'll decrease over time and become less painful. • • • Try to make as many daily decisions as you can to enhance a feeling of control. • • • It was several days after we buried grandma before before I realized that I would never have one of her pies again. • • • Six months after my mother died, I still found myself picking up the phone to give her a call. |
